The Fastest One - 'Pa's Edition

It’s the Fast One time and the first race of the 2012 season! Let it begin with a “bang”!!!

Crap - B.O.

Goat - B.O.

Larry - B.O.

‘Tall - B.O.

Katy - B.O.

Ninja - B.O.

Panda - B.O.

Whale - B.O.

Dev 1 - B.O.

Pluggie: (excused) The MTB division is going to Barberon.

RoBOcop: (WTF) Why am I doing Barberton?

Pluggie: (annoyed) Because noBOdy wanna do it with me.

Oh well, they are the B.O.’s after all. Anyway, we still have Lani, BObbie, ‘Pa, Tubs, Stache and the BOat.

Lani: (at 04h00 and per B.O. ruling) B.O.

Bobbie: (woken up by the B.O. and upset) WTF?!!! Ju promised to sit my wheel!!!

Lani: (making up stories as he speaks and dunking on his toilet) Ja, but ju know...

Without transport, BObbie stormed angrily out of his house, threw in his pre-packed race bag, loaded his bike and flew toward the start. “Vok zies Lani” he thought, “I could have had another 10 minute of sleep” he thought, “Now I might forget something” he thought, “Hang on a second, I think  I did forget something” he thought and begin flipping through his bags, tools, bars, tubes, water bottles, shoes, helmets, gloves, glasses, kits, socks, iPod, Garmin [2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans: (helping) what about the race numbers? BObbie: (blatantly ignoring the question): ja, what about dem?], yep, all there, so? “Er... Where’s my front wheel?”...

Lost two more...

[2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans (not even surprised): morons...]

We hand over the Race Report to ‘Pa, who was there... 

* * * * *

Normally Team BO meets up at a central point and drive to the race together [Ed. note: (Ja right) Really?! Seriously?! You just joined the Team?! Have you forgotten about Fountains?!]. This time there was no such gathering, ‘Pa [Ed. Note: (clarifying) ‘Pa has picked up a strange habit to refer to himself as a thrid person. People who has a habit of doign so includes Nero, Ceasar, Napoleon, Hitler and idiots...] tries to control his emotions on this one. ‘Pa left his home at 05h00 to ensure that he is on time and relaxed for the race. Driving to the race was good and getting there even better. The organizers LERNed from last year and made sure getting into the grounds and parking was not the chaos and mud that was.

‘Pa then phoned the rest on the teamies that was showing [Ed. note: (explaining) Nero and his other idiot friends also has a habit of telling their lives, ouch! That hurts, ‘Pa!!!].

BOat was presented with his Centrum kit and he was over the moon and thanked the teamies for making him feel part of the family. We thought BOat cried, but it hurts when he struggled to fit into the XL...

The four got on their bikes and proceeded to the starting line-up. NoBOdy really noticed the four teamies, but we agreed on a plan, ‘Pa is there to work and improve Stache and Tubs’ time from last year. Off we went and the first 20 km were averaging about 39km/h. Teamies was sitting back ensuring that we all are together [Ed. Note: (surprised) that’s a first for ‘Pa, ouch! ‘Pa, that really hurts!!!]. At around 40km into the race ‘Pa making his calculations and realizing that the pace is too slow and we may miss the sub 3 [Ed. Note: (suspicious) Ja, ‘Pa, so how did you work it out? Ouch, eina!!!]. Soon ‘Pa went to the front and did some work [Ed. Note: (got it) Oh I get it, LOOKing for excuses to ride fast...]. The pace increased and we were given the LOOK by some Esmaro guys. The peloton soon realized that Team B.O. were controlling the peloton. ‘Pa being pa as usual forgets his team declaration and sprints away on the hills. At least this time, ‘Pa remembered to LOOK back and see where the rest of the peloton was. Stache and ‘Pa slowed down to make sure we get the support from the rest. We passed some CL and BL and soon the bunch was around 200 plus. At around 75km there was a break, ‘Pa and Stache reacted.  The gap soon build to around 300m and ‘Pa noticed that Tubs and BOat is not with the break. For the first time ‘Pa did the unimaginable and followed team plan, ‘Pa dropped back to LOOK fo rhis teamies.

‘Pa: (advil) Why ju so slow?!!!

Tubs: (eina) I am cramping, ‘Pa...

‘Pa: (instructing) Ju sit my wheel and I pull you to Stache!!!

Tubs: (eish) Vok man, it hurts...

‘Pa: (don’t care) Just sit my bloody wheel and stop bitching!!!

‘Pa then got down on his drops and start working. The gap was around 2,5km [2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans: (confused) 2.5km? How does one see pass 1km?]. The rest of the group decided to lurk on to ‘Pa and Tubs’ wheels. This is what ‘Pa loves, riding the boys hard and having fun. We were going at 45 ~ 50km/h. At one point ‘Pa thought that the gap was too big and they may not catch the break away. It look some digging and after digging deep [Ed. Note: (explaining), yes, yes, I tried, but you come try and edit the ‘Pa], ‘Pa, Tubs and another 40 riders caught up with the break away. The rest of the riders that was sitting our wheel shouted “WELL DONE AND THANK YOU, CENTRUM!!!”. It felt great, but the race was far from over. 

The teamies sat in the bunch to recover, but that did not last long. ‘Pa then hurries Tubs to get up front with Stache.

[2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans: (asking) What about the BOat?]

[Ed.: (look here) He got one, that’s a start...]

The pace was hectic and at 90km there was another break of about 4 riders. The two dropped back and the other two soon build a break of about 500m. ‘Pa worried that they may pull away too far and win the group wanted to chase them down, but was held back by the more smart one.

‘Pa: (freaking out) They getting away!!!

Stache: (smirks) Relax rookie, we will get them...

‘Pa: (panicking) Vok man, let’s show them how we roll!!!

Stache: (had enough) Stop being advil and shut the f@@k up...

‘Pa: (shell shocked) But, but...

Stache: (stern) But nothing, we hold back and you pull us at the end, savvy? It’s that or I will “beep”, “beep”, “beep”, “beep”, “beep”, “beep”.

‘Pa: (scared) Yes, pa...

At this point BOat was dropped and sitting in the second peloton. 2km to the finish Stache chewned ‘Pa to go up front and pull Stache and Tubs to victory. 1.5km Stache is feeling strong and was sitting himself comfortably at the 3 position. ‘Pa and Tubs a bit further back realizing that Stache is strong enough to take the sprint. At 1km to go ‘Pa panicked and went with Tubby sitting his wheel but Stache never wavered and got out of his saddle and swung his twiggy ass and took the sprint win.

And a great start for the renewing sponsor Centrum. With most B.O.s BOing, the teamies stuck together and squeezed out a win at DL.

2012 Fast One group DL winner, the Stache!!!