It's a flat one - OFM Classic (Goat & Plug 21SNLV Edition)

It is said if you wanna a good seeding, you race a flat one. With that in mind, Goat, Pa, BObbie, Pluggie and zie Lani decided to head out of town and hit the city of flowers for some action.


However, the curse of the fat BObbie just don't end. After a week from surviving a murder attempt, zie BObbie got back on his bike as soon as the stitches were taken out. Yep, you guessed it... details of such stupidity will be reported later.


No matter, the rest of the teammies wiped their tears and headed out of town anyway.


Pluggie's Report


The weekend started out in true BO fashion. Lani canceled the leg warmer ride for Saturday morning and Pluggie went drinking and whoring the night before (Ed note: it is at this point the sponsors for Team B.O. requested sum editing done... well, ja, if the BOditor is not even posting how is he gonna edit?). The plan was to meet at 11:00 and head for Bloem to be there mid afternoon. Lani had a rub scheduled for 16:00 and for Pluggie, the fact that 'Pa was convinced that the Bloem men were niiiiiccee (Ed note: we received more editing requests, but it was from the church... so it was ignored...), was enough.

So, we left at 12:30 (like I said, as planned). The wind was bad, but the hunger was worse. The bikes on the roof rack caught the wind like two sail boats and we managed to deplete 50L of fuel in the first 350km. This meant two stops. One for "fuel" and one for filling up the car. We finally arrived in Bloem at 17:30, just in time to catch pa with his pants down telling us that she was just picking up the "soap". 'Pa finished his rub and Lani went in for a tag team swop. Pluggie STUPIDLY decided to go for a procedure that involves pulling hair out by the root (Ed. note: this we did edit, original versions was Pluggie saw a brunette and asked for a job). Still can't believe people actually do that kak... Goat arrive just in time to snap a few evidences of Pluggie's pleasure.

 Pluggie: Oh yeah, baby, higher, higher!!!

Pluggie: Higher!!!!!

(Ed. note: Lani asked the BOditor to not show his photos since BOwife & BObabies are out of town... a LOOK 695 was promised...)

The 4 teammies then went for dinner (if you can call it that) at Spur where Lani and 'Pa ordered THE chicken. "THE" in capital letters as it was the biggest voel I have ever seen...

 Lani: (dreaming) Vok zie coffee was kak...

Pa: (hehehehe...) I love child porn!!!

(Ed. note: yes, the church did ask...)

'Pa: (advil) Off to bed!!! Now!!!

Pluggie: (confused) Uhmmm, why? We still have ... ahh, wait... what the f@@k are you holding in your hand?!!!

'Pa: (excited) Lube up boy!!!

(Ed. note: just look at the smile, you can't always believe what you read in a BOg)

(Ed. note: and in the other room)

(Ed. note: no, the church didn't have to ask...)

The night was long and no one slept properly (Ed. note: too much info...). Some were to hot, some were to anxious and some kept being woken up by under sexed Goats...

(Ed. note: ja, we know, we know... both church and the sponsors asked...)

04:15, the day of the race. 'Pa is up and Pluggie gets woken by the efficiency that is 'Pa getting ready for the race. Everything was packed, prepared, checked and re-checked the night before. The bottles were filled, labeled and numbered. The kit was placed on the couch in such a way that he could dive into it and be dressed when he pops out the other side. Even the bike was already facing the door, stickers mounted and lubed just the way he likes it (Ed. note: according to credible sources, 'Pa left his keys and credit cards all over Bloem, but we are not sure if it was intended...). Goat and Lani (walking strangely funny, like he had been horse ridding) arrived at 4:30 for breakfast (Ed. note: yep, don't go there...). Everyone ate and got ready. We left at 05:15 and parked about 5km from the start for a warm up ride.

FAT LOT OF GOOD THAT DID US (Bobbie: I am NOT fat!!!). After we rode to the start we stood in the pen for about 30min in the shade shivering and shacking. The race organizers did make up for this though, by arranging for the pom-pom girls to change in the open next to the start line as B group arrived. This is generally referred to as the last enjoyable part of the race. 

Just when you thought there was sum decency...

Off we went and as per training (Entire Team B.O.: (confused) training?), team BO scattered, Goat out in front "messing" up the pace, 'Pa and Plugging hanging a bit back and Lani keeping the tail company. Pluggie found 'Pa about 10km in, hovering around the middle of the pack.

Pluggie: Ja nee, 'Pa, what you doing back here.

'Pa: (excited) These guys are hot...

Pluggie: (saving the peloton) Not safe to be here man, if they "find out" we'll be dropped and if they crash, we are faaked.

'Pa : (even more excited) Did you say "faaked"?!!!

We slotted in around 10th and tried to keep up with the attempted breaks and surges around the tight corners. Not long after 'Pa dropped a bottle (Ed. note: he had no soap, church, schmurch) and was not seen again. Pluggie joined Goat in the front for a quick chat, but quickly dropped back to 10th as it looked like the peloton might ask him to help. We turned onto the highway for a 22km drag into the wind. This was not fun!!! Open exposed terrain, into the wind at just under 40km/h was brutal (Ed. note: sissies, BObbie once raced in 60km/h wind). As we made the U-turn to go back south on the highway, Goat and Pluggie were right at the back, expecting a tail wind, but instead it was another head wind. How the faak does that work?!! Goat looked like he was ready to give up at this point, but we worked our way back into the pack that was now reduced to about 25. Lani was also gone by now.

The next 40km was better. The front guys were tired from the highway and the pace dropped slightly, with the exception of our super hero from Bionics that surged every now and then to keep the km's ticking over. The 80km mark came up and as 'Pa suggested it contained the only real hills. Pluggie looked up and saw 500m ahead that some VA's and A's were walking up a hill. "Surely this cannot be", he thought to him self. This split the 25 strong group and reduced it to 10 leading now. Goat and Pluggie still in the mix.

Hills? What hills?

At the 85km mark however, Pluggie relaxed just long enough to open a 50m gap between himself and what remained of the lead pack. He chased hard for about 5km, but was unable to close the gap by him self, with yet more head wind he finally gave up. He was soon joined by a chase pack of 5 and together managed to pick up the pace again. Cramps finally got the better of Pluggie on the last hill and he was left with only 1 companion who was in a similar predicament. They crossed the line in 2:40:55, 2min behind the Goat and 2.5 min behind the leaders for a respectable 15th.

Not long after 'Pa and Lani arrived. We decided to make our way back to the car, that was as you will remember, PARKED 5KM AWAY. 'Pa and Pluggie decided to get lost (Ed. note: LOOK, they just needed sum alone TIME...), I mean take a short cut (Ed. note: or commonly referred as a quickie...). Either way, we got to see a little bit more of Bloem this way. Back to the hotel where Goat cleaned out what remained of the buffet breakfast, we packed up and headed for home.

We were all supposed to drive together, but a tall handsome dude with flowing blond hair and striking blue eyes came past (thats a direct quote from 'Pa) in an white Audi A3 and 'Pa had to sit his wheel so that he could get his number later. Goat first lost his knob and then his underwear and opted to slow down after we stopped for lunch. Now with Pluggie and his superior driving skills behind the wheel the fuel consumption was reduced by 50% from the drive down.

All home safe, no accidents with 4 very respectable times. All-in-all a fun weekend was had by everyone

Goat's Report:-

The Goat raced to Bloem to race in Bloem. He was greeted by a well relaxed Lani and a Hotel bedroom - nice! Dinner at the spur was..well...dinner at the spur. After a week of dehydration and McD for lunch the goat was ready to eat. The BO team obliged with onion rings a plenty and extra chicken from 'Pa. 

More importantly there are rumours about Pluggie trying to get plugged up with his masseuse - but she said "YOU TOO FAT" (BObbie: seriously guys, I am NOT fat!!!).

Pluggie needs education on how to stick her number on (Ed. note: seriously?!!! Again?!!!). 

 Yep, if you think B.O.'s can't ride...

 The WRONG way.

The ONLY way.

In a last ditched attempt to torpedo the foil-riding Lani, the Goat set the alarm clocks to go off early. Alas the Lani who normally goes to bed at 18h00 was rested enough. His time in the race would prove accordingly. 

The all knowing 'Pa had the cars parked "within 5km" of the race - NOT! And it was a longish ride to the start. Bloem appeared IS flat. 

Congrats to MTN for a well organised race. Very cool stuff. Loads of cool farmers' daughters (Ed. note: if you think the church & the sponsors were angry, wait till you see the farmers...) with pon-pons. BObbie would have cum...nah, vok him. 

The BO team decided the night before to race in B and "dominate". The 'Pa had his game face on but he was distracted by the pon-pons along with the rest of the peloton. 

Now, the race. No pictures for fear of crashing. There was wind, there were highways, there were crisscrossing the city and there were much riding in the city. What we didn't really expect were the Harrismith road hills (Ed. note: seriously? Hills? Really?). Vok wena! And two (Ed. note: and sum say three, see what I mean?) of them which torn apart the B group that had until then, stayed well together. 

A breakaway bunch of 5 riders + the BIONIC Accelerator Man - kudos to this rider who took it upon himself to sprint from deep in the peloton to reset the pace each time the gays up front got slack. he did this at least 12 times (Entire Team B.O. bows) and for his efforts was rewarded with cramps 2km before the finish. The Goat kindly worked with him realising the game was up. The least he could do was give BIONIC Accelerator Man a position in front for the finish. The Goat came in 7th - ha puey!