IFM Challenge, NOT!

And the “Great Success” continues!!!

The team’s first race in the season is the IFM Challenge, a 90km flat sprint, for Robbie & Chris that is. But 90km matters not. It’s for guys who wanna warm up for the 2011 season. Team BO does it the right way, the hard way, the only way. Team BO does the 40km palooka slapfest (this is actually, potentially embarrassing, but den again…)!!!

Crap as usual, being an important man in MTN, cannot lead the team. BOmie who promised to show, showed nothing. Katy who rather braai then ride, is sure to be punished. BOtall is obviously excused because she is still heart broken and BOrabia was busy repenting his sins. But alas, Team BO 2011 is deep & strong. They could still start with the line up of Boic the goat, BObbie the donut, BOlani the puppy, BOpunda the cave man, BOpa the dealer, BOwhale the cod and with an extra helping of BObladder the extra.

Needless to say, the day started with BObbie confusing everyone on meeting time and everyone waited outside the HQ for Lani to take a dunk. The convoy drove out sleepy toward the Vaal and after a boring road, the team arrived at Stoneheaven passing the finish line decorated with potholes. BOlani immediately thought about what other colour puppies he can claim on.

The team changed quickly with their not-sponsored kits except for BOpa who always tries to standout in different “colours”. Well, not BOpunda who as usual, need to wear make ups for a race, if there are high heel cleats, he’d snatch a few pairs up already. Whilst the rest of the team behaved like they should and did their business where they should, BOpunda & BOwhale found their animal instinct. They will also be punished.

Anyway, whilst Robbie & Chris started their 2011 season deep in the South, Team BO lined up the 40 too and was ready to… fix BOwhale’s front derailleur. And as soon as the 40km bunch was released, BOic shot out the gate with BOlani on his tail. BObbie, BOpa, BOpunda, BObladder came from the right to join and BOwhale was busy returning the tool he borrowed.

The palookas soon realized they have a group to lurk on and they did. Except they soon found team BO was too slow to their liking. Soon a few of dem hit 35km/h wanting to show team BO. BOic as usual is having none of that. He soon showed dem 40km/h plus on an incline. Still, palookas continued to wanting to show BOic how to ride. This resulted in BOic happily averaging 40km/h plus speed and evolved into the BO train with BOlani cursing “what the hell we are doing 40 plus for?”. BObbie soon though, got sick & tired of the lurkers and started evil plotting to get rid of dem.

The train was lead by BOic, BOwhale, BOlani, BOpunda and BObbie with BObladder & BOpa mixed in the peloton. BObbie realizing they are soon turning into a cross wind chewed BOpunda to hit it hard when he signals. And BOpunda drove to the front hard with BObbie instantly blocking the peloton of lurkers with a cross wind in between. Just when BObbie was to let out a series of evil laughter came BObladder who easily latched onto the back of the train and towing the lurker peloton across too. BObbie almost cried.

BObbie: ju idiot, ju ruined my plan!!!

BObladder: what an idiot, ju don’t do this early when the peloton are fresh!

BObbie: oh…

Since BOic isn’t getting any help from BOwhale, he just kept the pace slow around 40km/h and very soon the peloton reached a left turn. BOic & BOwhale glide through with BOlani and all of a sudden left a gap of about 5m in the open. BObbie seeing this jumped immediately sprinting away from the peloton causing a bigger gap. He shot passed the BO train all the way to the front where BOwhale is and shouted to the team “break, break!!!” and took the lead sprinting. By then they had about a 20m gap. But zie Whale, he does not speak faactional English and in amidst tension, BObbie forgot to flap the fins which had BObbie upfront and his Team BO mates not following. The lurk peloton lucked out and got back in.

By now BObladder is shouting for someone to help BOic (he himself had went up and helped few times), but zie Bladder does not know if ju get in front of zie Goat, zie Goat just ride harder. And they no wanna ride harder than 40 plus. The boys behind also identified the true lurkers. The Tandem who has been chewning kak, the Green Gremlin who at least helped with one turn. The Lance wannabe Johnny Black, the Yellow Bike, Pinnarello Paris and a Man in Blue who just attacked solo!!! BObladder immediately reacted. The team watched BObladder latching to the Man in Blue and den watched dem fold back into the peloton. It was learnt later that the Men in Blue rode so hard his cleat came off (Ed. Note: that’s a good one! We should use it!).

With the race closing to the end, everyone is beginning to get edgy. BObbie continued his slow down and block tactic causing the lurk peloton more energy whilst reserving BOlani’s. The two at the back were watching the lurkers sprinting to latch the train and they just happily tagged alone. Around the 36km mark a rather steep hill arrives.

And like a true team, the minds all synced as if they were one big potato mash!

BOic: time to slaughter the lurkers (and started sprinting).

BOwhale: time to sit on the goat (which he has been doing).

BObbie: BOic is gonna attack, Lani sit my wheel (sprinting to the goat)!

BOLani: get me to the front (sat on BObbie’s wheels)!

BObladder: what are these idiots doing (followed anyway)?

BOpa: che?!!!

BOpunda: (too busy fondling Southern women’s armpit hairs (Ed. Note: yep, he has a habit of doing this when he race in the South)).

With BOic leading, the lurkers simply couldn’t keep pace, and as soon as BOlani latched onto the train, BObbie “did it again” by blocking the Tandem, the Yellow Bike and either than the Green Gremlin who was fortunate he was upfront, the rest of the lurkers didn’t get a free ride as BObladder happily joined BObbie in the blockade.

BObbie was rewarded with a “faak ju” from the Tandem. He & BObladder answered by riding away and left the lurkers in the dust and watched their teammates dumping the Green Gremlin and took all the podium places for Team BO.

As Bobbie crossed the pothole lines, he realized the official was still sleeping in the car as he is only expecting the 40’s to return in another 30 minutes…

The team hugged in tears, congratulating each other, celebrating their first win in 2011 and  then the ritual of “Chopping the Melon!!!”… er, where’s the melon?

Ja, that’s just say ju cunt trust zie Goat to do anything right…

BOwhale took first, BOlani second and BOic who the team owes him a first place took third after he towed everyone to an average of 36.6km/h sprint. We owe the Goat a race!!!

BOwhale who sat on BOic’s wheel and BOpunda who fondled instead of racing then went out and did the route again. Evidently these two needs to ride harder!!!

All in all, this was too much fun and a great start for the team in 2011.