The Crap One!!!

Following the success of Stoneheaven, Team BO was pumped for the 2011 season. Crap was pleased with his team's performance and BOpa secured a sponsorship from Pfizer. Although the team would preferred to be called Team BO Viagra for more of a potent, long last effect. But Team BO Centrum and supplements is not too bad either, the team thought. Alas, what a con! When in doubt, always choose potency & long lasting!

Because of recent fraud issues, zie Crap stayed behind to audit his books, BOtall is still heart broken, BOlabia was banned, BOpunda was sinning and Katy was, well, drunk. No matter, BOic, BObbie, Whale, BOpa, BOlani and Bladder was ready to roll. The entire team will start at group B and work for BOic (not that he needed any help, but you know, it sounds professional).

The week leading to the race was miserable to say the least, what with lousy, wet weathers and spoilt any chance of training. So when the team woke up to some gorgeous weather, they were happy as BOlani's puppy, well...

BObbie watched porn whole night and couldn't pooh pooh. BObaby asked his dad to read him comics the whole night. BOpa couldn't pooh either. Bladder can't find his socks and BOic destroyed BObbie's bike (all details in previous post). Anyway, the team as usual gathered their courage and full of kak (for BObbie & BOpa at least), headed to the "Meyerton International Trash Ground", what a dump!

Fast One 2011 changed venues. Instead of racing from Johannesburg to thy kingdom far, you now loop in the deep South. However, they say it's because of the credit crunch, Team BO say it's brain farts & cheapness that had the organizers hosting a popular race at a dump. Any experienced organizer would recognized if you have 3000 plus vehicles coming & leaving, a single lane with no alternative routes was going to cause havocs. And if it had rained for 2 months non stop you know dirt road was gonna be 4x4 test track. Team BO ain't the only team that was late waiting to get to the parking, several cars were stuck in mud and that's just to get to the parking.

The team eventually made it and did their usual routine of equipment check. Whale's wheel wouldn't turn, the mud had glued the back wheel to his frame. BObbie was crying over his bike that BOic destroyed (You can't see the tear dripping form a phone camera though). Anyway, the Team could only start at E now.

The team line up at the, er... WTF?!!! A neutral zone?!!! This caused chaos as when the organizers released you, the team got split up. At the start line, the announcer was hurrying the racers to haul ass. This had BObbie angry. Hurry Up? How the "beep" can we hury up with such pathetic and cheap arrangements and no one bother to explain the neutral zone issues?!!!

(The team was welcumed with a surprise though, they found a long lost member in this race, but he was in disguise with another team's uniform).

Regardless, the E group was released and as usual, BOic who only knows how to ride up front started chasing since the team was caught in the middle. Whale, BOlani & BOpa followed. BObbie & Bladder who was caught even further back was left behind. BObbie reacted and his beloved Time was clipped by an over eating tub of ice cream (detail in previous post). BObbie decided to not bash the potato head and started chasing his teammates. As we all know, zie Goat, he rides angry and zies day was no different. We know this is a flat race, but BObbie needed 50km/h to catch the team and BOic happily averaged an insane 45km/h chase to the front. The team were soon there. BOic immediately rode up to the head of the peloton. Yep, BOic was about 5m up front from the peloton. Judging by Team BO's new kit, the peloton immediately decided that Team BO is full of drugs.

BOic was so happy he forgot about his teammates. BOpa the climber found no climbs was soon dropped. Bladder with no socks was missing. BOic got so bored with the slow pace decided to hit 63km/h and then took photos... yes, the E peloton, they were not happy...

Then finally he decided to check on his team mates...

Whale: grrrr (BOic thinks Whale was showing him how strong he is, Whale is actually swearing in fin language)...

BObbie: Die!!!
BOic: Where's BOlani, BOpa & Bladder?
BObbie: Die!!!
BOic: You are nasty...
BOlani: (few meters back) "beep" you Goat!!!
BOic: Oh there ju are...

Around the 55km mark, a mushroom puff emerged on top of BOlani's Giro, he's ears were ringing with BObaby's cry for milk. BOlani radioed to BObbie who is the closest to him, "Need tow! Need tow!". But poor BObbie, he watched too much porn and couldn't pooh pooh. He was basically asleep on his handle bar and didn't hear the Lani, another comrade down...

Meanwhile at the back BOpa is chewning any girl who would listen to him "I would be at the front, but my teammates, they don't know about strategy. BTW, I sell viagra, call me up, here's my name card.". Obviously every girl including BOtall & Katy just tried to ignore him politely. Bladder is just lost.

Around 60km mark, BObbie rode pass zie Whale.

BObbie: How you hanging?
Whale: BOic is a "beep"!!!
BObbie: I know, what a "beep"!!!

With that, BObbie left Whale with another mushroom. He then rode up to his MIA pal and left him a mushroom too.

At the leading peloton, the only two BO left is now BOic & BObbie. BObbie by now is struggling. BOic came back from taking photos and left the bras in the open (the bras was sitting on zie Goat the whole race, they are confused when BOic left them). He obviously started talking to BObbie. However, BObbie couldn't tell you what was said as he was near bonking and didn't hear much. But he think he heard BOic say how sorry he was ruining BObbie's bike, killing his own team mates in the race and blah, blah. Anyway, BOic was bored, he decided to go look for his missing team mates and chewned BObbie he would see him later.

BOic soon found zie Whale and then he picked up BOpa. He thought BOpa was also showing him how strong he is, but we know better. The bladder though was still missing in action and zie Lani, he took a wrong turn...

Up front, a severe crashed blocked the road and the peloton was instructed to go single file. A rider in front of BObbie cleated off as it was a dead stop and struggled to cleat back on, 12 bras ran off as BObbie was cursing. eventually he was freed and he immediately radioed for BOic to organize a chase. But zie Goat was having too much fun and too far to receive signal. BObbie knowing those around him don't have the power and went solo. BObbie reached 59km/h to get back and is now in serious trouble. Without BOic, the peloton did not maintain speed, but they soon caught up with some C groups and the two merged and had some fresh legs. BObbie hung tough until around 98km when the route leads into town and the zig zag started. Having to slow and accelerate, BObbie felt his legs cramping and his average dropped down to the 20s. Bad sign for Team BO since BOic was no way to be seen and BObbie watched the peloton beginning to pull away.

Eventually BObbie arrived at the finishing stretch and BObbie gathered every last bit of donut he had and stumbled across the line. He came in 12th. Not the result the Drug Sponsor was looking for. Then again, Drug Sponsor fed the team vitamins. They needed Viagra that day.

BOpa rolled in next, but he was also in poor shape.

Zie Whale flipped in next with BOic who happily asked "What'd I miss?". Everyone agreed he earned the award, there is not even a close second.

The team then found a sleeping Lani in an air CONned car. Lani also asked "Huh? What'd I miss?".

But the Bladder was still missing. The team drove out and searched. Eventually he showed up...

Zie Bladder, he was under the sun and almost beat BObbie's Fast One record. It was a 5 hour ride for the man who once towed Team BO to a 2h41 at Emperors.

Team BO performed poorly.

CAT1: 2h15.
BObbie: 2h58.
BOpa: 3h18.
BOic: COD.
Whale: Flipped (Officially never was there).
BOlani: Flopped (Officially never was there).
Bladder: Cooked (Officially never was there).

It is evident that zie Crap's leadership is solely missed. After reading the report zie Crap knows he needs to get off his fat, drunken, lazy ass and do his job, lead from behind.

Team BO Centrum line up for Emperors.

Crap
BOlani
BOic
BObbie
Whale
BOpunda
BOpa
BOlabia
Katy
Bladder

We awaits BOtall's heart conditions.