The State Of Free Race Report - A Story To Follow Not Edition
Whilst the BOditor was away, he dedicated the state of the BOg to his fellow B.O.'s so their 2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans would not miss a beat. OK, so the BOditor dedicated like the South African government, you can't see exactly what they are doing, you know that they are probably doing nothing, but you are paying taxes like a professional sex worker who just got conned for a full night's service and now you are "e-tolld" to pay for the room as well.
No matter, at least we are part of the briC.s according to ourselves but nobody else even though none of our figures even remotely compare to dem Banana Republic we call Brazil let alone Russia and India. And since we have similar population figure to Shanghai, our GDP is... never mind, let's just get back to the race report that Pa promised...
OK, it has been 9 days since, but (cut to scenes where B.O.'s, conts, devs, 2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans and general South Africans twiddling their thumbs...)...
At least we have some pics about a race that happened in some orange state... TIME for some LOOK pic tell a story...
Then you maintain Team B.O. tradition of riding inside the hotel...
Pin your numbers correctly...
Er... no, no, this is not what you think, no, absolutely not... no, no... We not even sure what is this pic doing here...
Since the Dinks is not around, Tubs kept to tradition on his own...
Last year there were rumours of the 4Fingers. Since the fingers weren't present, Chicken recruited available talents to make up a hand...
Many things happened, but we don't know what happened. So we jumped to race day... Oh hey, Gaatie and Dev is here...
Gaatie scratching some hoofs...
Many people showed up...
Gaatie being a B.O. senile and A/F, does his numbers right...
And the race begins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
And H.B. Kruger wins it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(BOd note: (two open hands) LOOK, what you want from me man, I have already forwarded all the hate mails to Pops...)
This much we do know, downing Dink's portion as well, a not so strong Tubs proceeded to take down about 49 riders many from Team B.O.'s sister club Slippies who slipped along on tar with the Tub. Tub's doping test reveals a 69% alcohol content in his system...
Chicken who was taken down by the Tubs had to resort to his closet for some wear...
We may or may not finish this report...
Oh hang on... after reading hate mails Pops has finally done his duty and delivered a piece.
* * * * *
Normally this time of the year the B.O''s heads to the land where they make them VERY BIG to grow some mielies. But not this year, especially when the 4Fingers are not here. Only myself, Goat, Dev, and Chicken and Tubs whom was adopted by the orange train of Slippies. The best race in the country in my opinion, the OFM Classic.
I left home Saturday morning to ensure collection of the numbers for Goat and Dev, that normally arrives late at night. I then met up with Chicken and Tubs, both drunk as a fish. At the hotel Chicken entered the reception area on his bike (see pics), riding in circles until he fell off his bike. Tubs on the other hand invited me to the Slippies room and started misbehaving. If you think the B.O.'s are rude, spend some time with them Slippies.
Enough of the crap (no, not the Crap). The morning of the race, Goat and me met early for breakie and decided to race BL and the instructions from the Goat to quote “I only race BL if we win it”. I agreed and was ready to represent B.O.'s and defend our win at BL from last year.
We rocked up early at the start and hit the front of the loading cage. As usual the sexy ladies did their thing at the start and the Goat got interviewed in Afrikaans. Needless to say, he had not a clue what was said and referred the interviewer to me. It was noticed that the two B.O. teams has pinned their race number the right way and everyBOdy else had theirs the wrong way. It was a long wait at the start and Goatie started his stretching and tried to chat up a very sexy lady.
At last the countdown started, 10, 9, 8….. 3, 2, 1 and off we go. It was a fast start as OFM is known for. I immediately hit the front with the Goat right behind me. Two km into the race, we hit an intersection where the race marshals were still asleep. Needless to say, they directed the leading group the wrong direction. I heard some screaming and looked back to see what is happening. This is when I realized that we were going the wrong direction. Goat reacted VERY FAST and turned back. Pony on the other hand reckons he can ride around the block and catch the peloton up front. Needless to say, that was a kak idea and found himself and a MTN guy all by themselves. We turned around and everyBOdy was gone.
The chase to catch the peloton started, but the wind did not help. I pulled out all stops and chased as hard as i could, not worried that my cardiologist has told me to not race. The chasing and hard riding paid off, as I JUST managed to catch the peloton at the 9km mark. The happiness was short lived, as I hit the back of the peloton, Tubs was taken out by another bottle and the mother of all crashes happened. The orange Slippies train was derailed and there were bikes and bodies all over the road. I was stuck at the back and with tears in my eyes seeing leading group raced away...
I managed to pull myself together and started another chase with four other guys. We managed to catch other stragglers that fell off the leading peloton. The MTN guy and me was the strongest in the group and agreed to pull as much as possible. The rest of the group was SOOOO lazy, they left it to me and the MTN guy to do ALL the work. NEVER before did I work this hard in a race. On way to the airport, the wind was so hectic I decided to go sit at the back of the group. This did not help and the rest of the group decided to go at 28km/h. Pony looked at the MTN guy, had a chat about these lazy bastards and decided to drop the group when we hit the hills. I was still hoping to catch Goat and the front peloton. Needless to say, this was not possible and the Goat went into the sprint, missing the win by 1 second. The Goat needed some help, but I was brought down to earth by the Free State wind doctor...
Comments