A Sorry Tale, Depending On The Angle You LOOK At, You Do The Maths...

(BOd note: Whale the self pity requires psychiatry, he's too cheap to get a real one, so he approached his teamies for counselling. Since we at Team B.O. are only interested in funny kak, we reject his self loathing and we get BObbie know nothing at all to help him. Please be warned that although this does not approach the level of total illogical of the the Bold and Beautiful, it's still not suited for children under the age of 1 month.)

The letter below was written by our Whale and responded in kind by the fat BObbie.

* * * * *

Hi All,

Thought I would share the last 30 days of unfortunate events I have experienced – You are not permitted to laugh, instead rather share your sympathies.

BObbie: (ROFLOL) BOwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Week 1

The Tyre

After having realised I needed new tyres for my car, I purchased 2 new tyres, swapped them with the rear tyres I bought a few months ago. A week later I got a slash in the new tyre and had to replace it.

             
Damage: R 3500

The Oakleys

All of you that know me well know that I have had the same pair of despicable sunglasses for over 4 years. In fact you can barely see through them since they are so scarred with scratches – it probably makes me more alert when in a peloton. Hence I decided I need a new set. The Hub has a variety of “Waala Deals” – non so attractive as a pair of Oakley Radarlocks for R 1500. Without hesitation I pulled out some cash and bought them. It was not long after that BObbie started chewning that they were fake. Initially I thought he was jealous, but it turns out he was right – they were some genuine Fakelys.

             
Damage: R 1500

BObbie: (ju don't listen) First thing first, I also need some new front tires, they are 18 inchers and they are run flat, please buy them for me, sharp. Now that's out of the way, I chewn ju before ju go check if they were fakes as the plice is too good, but ju happy, happy and ju took the hook and no bait one shot. I chewn ju after ju must clarify it on the Hub, but ju no do, now the female dog gets away scots free a Waala...

Week 2 (Week of Mayhem)

The Discharge

Two weekends ago the Maths and I decided to go away for the weekend for some R&R.

Upon returning the Internet was down. I noticed the modem had been struck by lightning – no problem, get a new one. Unfortunately, that was not the only thing that got struck.

·         Apple Mac Mini.

·         Apple Airport Extreme.

·         Synlology NAS Storage RAID device (With ALL 8TB of my DATA – SHOCK HORROR!!!).

·         HP Proliant Micro Server.

             
Damage: R 35000 (Not forgetting my Work, Photos and Music)

The Missing Pieces

Later that week, night before Critical Mass – I started loading the Sound Machine – only to notice that 2 bicycles were missing from the garage. Yes, they had broken in through the garage side door the weekend of the lighting strike and stolen two bicycles.

No problem, a mate Mr. C lent me a bike for the mass – sorted.

             
Damage: R 27000

The Kaboom Box

Critical Mass was a blast, until some jerk hit the side of the box and weakened the swing arm. 3km later the box came down like a ton of bricks onto the tar – Kaboom!

So Gaatie fetched my car and we packed up the pieces.

             
Damage: R 3000 + 50 man hours repair work

The WTF Moment!!

So I picked up Mr. C at the Critical Mass end point, racked up the bikes and took him home. After taking his bike inside, I collected the “other” bike I was going to use should Mr. C had not have pulled through. Mr. C then said “Whale, take a short cut. Just ride down the corridor here, turn left, then you out the building. Follow the path and you’ll find your car”.

Cool, immediately I got on the bike, rode as directed, came out the building not realising how dark it was as there were no lights. I could vaguely see a skewed path from the lightish pebbles. And instead being careful, I decided to ride straight ahead and cut to what I thought was a parking area. Travelling at an enthusiastic speed I realised that the surface started to taper downwards, just a bit – perhaps a little too quick.

I recall a splash of water in my face, thinking I had hit a large puddle of water. How wrong I was – instead a moment of truth kicked in when I realised I was swimming under water. Yes, I had landed in the complex pool – a full frontal flip with two iPhones in my pocket. Submerged for about 2 seconds I climbed out only to hear the cries of laughter from Mr. C and some other random people.

             
Damage: R 19000

The Female Dog

As you all know I’m a sucker to let go of my car – thinking it should serve till the world ends. Three Months ago I spent R 18500 getting the Clutch, cam belt, starter motor and other suspension components repaired. I deduced that this will pull me through another three years before looking at another car. Yesterday she decided that gears were no longer important and dropped a gear or two from the gearbox.

             
Damage: Awaiting report

BObbie: (pretending he was listening but actually is building his Lego Star Wars Millennium Falcon set) Oh, right. I feel for you, I mean Lani claimed so much lightning up some Insurance's ass they banned him, I guess you can throw the bikes in it too.
Gaatie: (cutting in) I said this Fish don't build strong stuff, remember that trailer at the Meals!!!
BObbie: (picking his nose) Right, and it is never smart to cut corners or take short cuts, I am sure your mother told you about that.
Lani: (we talking about mothers? I am IN) I have 2 cents about them mothers.
EveryBOdy: (dragging Lani out of the room) another day, another day...
BObbie: (clears throat) Right, where are we? Oh, the car. Well, first, drive properly (cut to a nodding Gaatie). Second, look after your car (cut to a Gaatie nodding). Third, don't cut corners and when kak do go wrong, fix it properly and not cheaply (cut to a disagreeing Gaatie) and finally, when it's TIME to let go, let go and move on before you spend more on door knobs (cut to Gaatie holding his car keys with two hands...).

People, People, People, I am asking for your prayers and support to help me get through my next week.

Please, do not hesitate to create a “Save the Whale” fund I will send banking details through in my next mail.

Lolly: (wait, what?!!!) Now you want a prayer? After Kak has happened?
BObbie: (need I say more)...
EveryBOdy else: (lost the Waala when he said "support")...

Love,

Your Waala :’(

Maths: (hugging) Let's LOOK at things in another angle, I am sure you will feel better!