JHB to DBN Tour Diary Day 5 Part I - The Assault!

Day 5 Part 1, Howick to Durban, or NOT, 159km.

Unlike any other day, the teamies begin the day not on their bike but in the cars.

[Ed. Note: yes, yes, let’s not bother with breakfast because according to the fat BObbie, what were you expecting when the dindin was best described as dog food. Wait, according to the fat BObbie, dogs at Lani’s eat better than the crap they plated. Maybe you think the fat BObbie should bring his standard back to norm after B.C.J., but even when they found out they could have French pressed coffee instead of dish water that is Ricoffee, the powder was from last century. At least you could count on the eggs, I mean eggs are eggs and I cannot believe I just spent a paragraph on food, let’s just move on...]

At least they can pack the car properly for some comfort and we did find out what the Whale was doing to the Ninja deep into the nights.

Off they go back to civilization. Well, if they can find their way out first. Being so high in the mountains, the sunny weather soon turned into a dense fog. Team car Scooby carrying Pluggie, Tubs, Katy & fat BObbie lost team car Vokswagon carrying Goat, Dev 1, Whale & Ninja somewhere in the cliffs.

Car Scooby: (radioing) Vokswagon, Vokswagon, come in, come in!

Car Vokswagon: (silence...)

Pluggie: (concerned) let’s stop and wait for them.

BObbie: (hungry) sure, but can we eat while we wait?

Half an hour passed, still no communication. 

Katy: (concerned) shouldn’t we call search & rescue?

[Ed. Note: (what?!!!) Seriously? Really? Why? Four days on the road with dem already and you wanna call an ambulance? How about I show ju sum photos!!!]

Vokswagon LOOKing for an excuse to stop...

Found one...

Whale professing his love for the nature...

And it smells so good...

Now you know what's the noise BObbie and Goat heard last night!!!

Old Sponsor: (shell shocked) Oh good lord, no...

New Sponsor: (shell shocked) Blasphemy, What have I done?!!!

What else can we do to delay the tour further?

Goat: (excited to see his kind) Here, goatie, goatie, goatie!

Goat: (really excited) Look what I got for ju!!!

Goat: (oh come on!!!) Don't go, goatie, come back here, come on, I just wanted a hug!!!

Goat: (sad) I just wanted a hug...

Ninja: (yipee) another excuse!!!

Katy: (annoyed) #%*&@^#&()!#%#%@&#*&@(#*^@&#*@^#(*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Time to get back on the bikes.

And try to find the Amashova route somehow. But somewhere in an industrial area the teamies got separated, again. You can only cry wolf so many times, Pluggie, Katy, Tubs & BObbie continued ahead. At least the Whale and the Goat is keeping in contact by the phone this time. 

Goat: (mumbling) BObbie, BObbie, where art thou?

BObbie: (enough is enough) I am at jou [loud beep]...

Ninja: (pleading) but guys...

Katy: (fighting off three angered teamies who all wanna get on the radio to express their honest thoughts at Ninja) fine, fine, I will make them stop, but you guys better hurry, BObbie is eating Pluggie’s tires as I speak...

And the teamies hooked up once again. Time for a bit of a break to fill the tummies. 

And time to head to Durban and the beaches!!!

And time for Ninja to wanna do something so they can stay on the side of an industrial park with passing by trucks a little longer!

And time for Pluggie to storm off toward the beach. Life long friends BObbie and Tubs quickly tagged along for safety reasons. Others quickly followed.

The teamies quickly picked up the Amashove route on the R 103 until they hit the highway, time for a break at a petrol station.

2785 faithful, loyal and confused fans: (WTF) What’s with the stops?!!!

Pluggie: (thank lord someBOdy understood) You are telling me?!!!

Well, a stop is a stop, let’s not waste it. BObbie heads into the shop to get cool drinks for all. Goat and the Whale prepared more peanut butter + Nutella sandwiches. Pluggie plotting the GPS for BObbie who’s next on car duty and is basically directionless, Katy and Dev 1 having a civil conversation and Tubs behaving like BObbie by eating everything in sight.

And then Goat and Ninja had a conversation... We cut in somewhere in the conversation since we missed the first half...

Goat: (advilest) You $%**@(#^@%#()@*#*@&*(#&*)@($*^%(@*)#*&*@^^#*(#!!!

Ninja: (pleading his case) But Goatie...

Goat: (adviler than advilest and grabbed his wheel and went for the Ninja...)

You think fat BObbie is fat and slow, not so, he’s so fast he immediately reacted. After all, you can’t let something small ruining the teamies’ undying bond. Within a split second the BObbie was at the scene to intervene.

BObbie: (screaming at Goat whilst grabbing Ninja and held both of his hands behind his back so he can’t defend himself) Goatie, Goatie, no violence, no violence (then pushed Ninja toward Goat’s Khamins...)!!

Ninja: (screaming like a girl) No, Goatie, not the face, not the face!!!

Goat: (pounding Ninja with his Khamsins...)

Rest of the teamies: (waited a few seconds so Ninja get a few tyre marks then pulling Goat, Ninja and BObbie apart...)

Time to get back on the road...

Tubs: (discovering) Er... Pluggie, me thinks your tyre is broken...

Pluggie: (examining the tyre) WTF?!!! Is that teeth mark?!!! BObbie!!!

Katy: (I told you so...)

Thank lord the Scooby is not a certain German luxury car maker who don’t believe in spares. The teamies quickly changed the tyre and everyone got back on the road.

And lost, again...

Teamies: (angrily looking at BObbie who was driving the lead car...)

BObbie: (directionless) Er... Sorry?

It took a while, but the teamies finally arrived at the bottom of the infamous Inchanga and begin the gorgeous winding road to the top, 10km. Goat immediately dropped everyone and started sprinting.

BObbie: (pleading) I wanna do this, I wanna do this, please, please, someBOdy swap with me!!!!!

EveryBOdy: (ignoring BObbie...)

BObbie: (getting desperate) Pluggie, come on buddy, you hate climbing!!!

Pluggie: (huffing and puffing and dying and watching Katy coming behind him) There’s no way I am letting Katy beat me again (still sour Katy’s 91.3km/h beat his 91.1km/h down Golden Gate...)!!!

It is a pity that human had settled into this gorgeous area. It is not the grandness you see at Golden Gate, but the dense vegetation and the narrow winding road adds another flavour for the teamies who are used to the bland and the dull in Johannesburg. The impatient driving though, remains the same through out the country, BObbie was almost taken out a few times.

[2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans: (confused) But isn’t BObbie on car duty?]

[Ed.: (still fearing for his life) yep, that’s how dangerous it is driving in our country...]

Being the first up, Goat quickly marked his territory...

And into Hillcrest the teamies arrives. So close to their goal!!! And so many cars!!!

Goat: (excited) Come on guys, let’s ride straight to the beach!!!

And lost again...

Ninja: (stating) We get on the highway!

EveryBOdy: (querying) Er... 1. It’s illegal and 2. How is it you don’t know the exact route, oh never mind...

Ninja: (pleading) I swear guys, it’s the highway!!!

Since both Mr. Garmin and Mr. Tomtom isn’t giving any better options unless adding another 30km and it’s already 16h00 in the evening (everyone stares at the Ninja angrily), the teamies attempts the highway.

Putting the Scooby up front, Vokswagon at the back and the teamies in the middle, Team B.O. Convoy attempts the... Oh never mind, Ninja has something again! Goat and Vokswagon is forced to wait. Scooby get behind the teamies for safety and Whale being the largest leads up front.

And at every off ramp it’s a negotiation with an insurance company. Whale with good fall skills could handle it, but his less falling teamies or in BObbie’s case who hates insurance companies just didn’t like it. They stopped at an offramp to see if there is another alternative. Mr. Garmin and Mr. Tomtom still not helping. Ninja who has now caught up insists highway is the right way. The others though with Durban so close decided rather to drive through closer to Durban then ride in symbolically.

Ninja: (pleading again) Whale buddy, come on, I know the way, let’s ride to Durban!

Whale: (keen) Well, Okey Dokey.

Goat: (advil) Now you wanna ride?!!! At the garage you don’t wanna ride, now you wanna ride?!!! How about you ride my Khamsin (looking for his Khamsin but was calmed down by Dev 1...)!!!

And onto the highway the two teamies go. At an interchange though, Pluggie missed the turn and the Scooby lost contact with the Vokswagon.

Ninja: (pretending) Follow me!!!

Ninja: (surprised he is right) LOOK, I told ju!!!

Ninja: (beginning to wonder) Well...

Ninja: (totally confused) LOOK, we will get somewhere...

[2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans: (shaking their heads collectively) How these morons make to the finish line in any race is a mystery...]

Pluggie: (apologetic) Sorry Goatie, I made a wrong turn...

Goat: (advil) Never mind that, we are lost anyway...

So close, yet so far...

With the sun retiring, the teamies had no choice but drive to Durban, separately. Vokswagons with an advil Goat decided no matter what, they must at least hit the beach and decided to drive to Sun Coast Casino. Scoobys having already arrived at Sun Coast are tired of waiting yet again and decided to head to the hotel to freshen up.

Parking at City Lodge the Scoobys have mixed feelings. Relieved hey finally made it to Durban yet saddened it’s coming to an end and disappointed it was not the way it meant to be. Well, at least the Vokswagons made it to the beach...

Whilst Tubs & Pluggie unloaded the car and Katy checked in, BObbie attacked complimentary sandwiches. With their bags and bikes in their rooms, the Scoobys showered and buried their sorrows in the hotel bar. 

Pluggie: (advil and declaring) There’s no effing way the tour is gonna end like this!!!

To be continued...