JHB to DBN Tour Diary Day 4 - The Everest

Day 4, Winterton to Howick, 152km.

It had been cooking during the hot summer nights. So far, either than Tubs & Pluggie who literally smokes at the same time, drink at the same time and snores at the same time, most teamies struggle to get a good night of sleep.

Goat wouldn’t let BObbie watch TV and claims BObbie snores, BObbie refused to let Goat leg hump him and claims Goat don’t flush.

Ninja loves to tell tales late into the night and the Whale prefers sleeping in a bath tub, the two however, enjoys some peculiar acts of indecencies. lt’s a love hate relationship that are on and off.

Katy & Dev 1 because they are girls and this is a family viewing BOg, so we can’t exactly tell you what happens in their room.

Point is, the teamies went to breakie, grumpy... Until they saw Big Chef James has woken up early to specially cook breakies for the teamies and had already fresh baked some muffins! Goat immediately shoved some into his back pockets.

Even the standard breakfast menu was cooked to perfection. Big Chef James rocks. After another satisfying meal, Whale went into the kitchen to say thanks and grab the boiled potatoes for the road.

Big Chef James: (proudly announces) I cannot do boiled potatoes, it is sacrilege and an insult to my skills! But I have made you potato cakes to take on the road.

Big Chef James boiled and minced potatos and then fried them into a disc perfect sized for hand holding. The cakes were crispy on the outside and soft with textures in the inside. The oil was drained out perfectly. You don’t even taste a slight hint of grease. Bobbie immediately had two when others weren’t watching.

It’s sad to leave Big Chef James, but the teamies had to get back on the road. The teamies quickly packed the cars and hung the laundries to air dry. And waited for Ninja, again, who slowly rocked up not even wearing his cleats.

Bobbie and Tubs has no interest in waiting every morning and started riding slowly. Goat, Dev 1, Katy and Whale soon followed. Support car can catch up.

With the potato cakes as fuel, Tubs soon was feeling it and dragged BObbie with him. The two teamies started pacing each other, crossing N3 and chasing trains. Until Goat showed up, in a support vehicle, swearing!

Goat: (advil) Ju two morons, stop, stop now!!!

Bobbie & Tubs: (confused) wat nou?

Goat: (still advil) Ju two went on the wrong road!!!

BObbie & Tubs: (oh...) Oh...

Goat: (adviler) Now load up and let’s get back to the teamies!

Bobbie & Tubs: (confident) no worries, we will ride back.

Goat: (advilest) Ju two are at least 7km off course!!!

Tubs blames BObbie and BObbie blames the train, but the two were far, far off. It took a while to get back to the rest of the team. And now it’s time to go to Estcourt where Goat & BObbie often visited in their hard labouring days.

Except the road to Estcourt is hard climbing, one after another. Goat thought he was in paradise and chained Pluggie & Tubs onto his wheels to show dem the Goat’s way (BObbie thanked his lucky stars he was on car duty). Leaving Whale, Katy & Dev 1 to slowly roast up some Hekkies like climbs. Tubs and Pluggie soon looked like rain men and waved for BObbie to support with some water.

Bobbie: (too busy eating potato cakes to notice...)

Whilst the fat BObbie stuffs himself with potato cakes, the poor teamies with temperature reaching 40 celsius, climbed basically the short version of Hekkies, 3 times. By the time the teamies stopped at Estcourt for a break, BObbie couldn’t understand why everyone gave him stares.

And if you thought the climbing stops...

Teamies were ready to vomit out Big Chef James’ potato cakes trying to climb out of Estcourt...

Eventually the road flattens, not...

Even BObbie is crapping himself in the car as the teamies engaged in another climb. About 2km into a climb that just don’t seem to end, BObbie decided to drive ahead to find some shades for the next break.

Up BObbie goes, and goes, and goes, and goes, and...

Bobbie: (radioing) Goatie, Goatie, the climb is at least 5km long, no shades what so ever. I think break earlier where there is still shades.

Goat: (pretends the signal is bad) what? I can’t hear you, what? Climb almost finished? Gentle gradient you say? OK we carry on!

Bobbie: (confused) what? No, no, it’s severe, Goat, WTF?!!!

Pluggie: (dying) what did BObbie say?

Goat: (lying) huh, he say easy climb, we go!

Pluggie: (can’t find easier gears) how is this easy?!!! I can barely climb at 7km/h!!!

Tubs: (brain fried) water, I need water (his bottles are literally full)!

By the time the Pluggie & tubs realized the Goat was lying through his cracks, they have climbed 5km of hell. Hekkies cannot compare. Even the Goat was scared. The boys rolled back down and stopped the girls and Whale so they can pull in a holiday resort to have a break since there were no shades up on top. The manager of the resort was kind to even offer them the pool.

Whilst the teamies were having lunch, bunches and bunches of cyclist are riding pass.

Team B.O.: (encouraging) Guys, go hard, just down hills ahead, down, yes, that’s right, down!

[Crap: (apologetic on the phone with sponsors) yes, yes, please calm down, I promise I will punish these morons. I understand we are not very well liked right now, please, please, I will definitely punish them...]

After lunch whilst the rest of the teamies packed into the car, Goat took the two drivers back onto the climb. Bobbie not willing to hear Goat’s lies jump ahead early on his own first... And got smacked with not only the insane climb but the head wind too...

And for the rest of the day, the wind just wouldn’t stop. Heading toward Howick with yet another insane climb, the wind is at least 40km/h smacking from the left side. Bobbie & Pluggie were in tears. Goat volunteered to use his body as shield except Goat is half BObbie’s size.

With quite a few JHB to DBN tourers on the road, the boys jumped into one of them and helped each other out to survive. Then Ninja called a stop. Not knowing why Ninja stopped, the teamies are now without the help from other cyclists. Pluggie & BObbie rode on, alone, battling the wind...

And lost again...

All grumpy, BObbie was throwing a tantrum until Pluggie put ice water on hot fire, literally...

Pluggie: (excited) BObbie, look, look.

BObbie: (advil) Look what?

Pluggie: (pointing toward a pair of legs to die for...)

BObbie: (had to be restrained by Pluggie so he won’t go ask for a number...)

Eventually with both Garmin and Tomtom working over time, the teamies figured out the bunk in Howick is in the middle of the mountain, with only gravel road access, 30kms in from civilization, oops...

At least it was some beautiful mountains.

The teamies finally arrived tired from a day’s of climbing. Teamies submit their usual questions.

Team B.O.: (hungry) When is dindin?

Stereotyped Management: (stiff) 19h00.

Team B.O.: (too hungry) please can we make it earlier?

Stereotyped Management: (stiff) 19h00.

Needless to say, they ain’t getting no business from Team B.O. again.

But the hunger issue needs to be resolved. No matter, Whale pulls out a military emergency kit with gas stove, some pap and instant gravy!!! The teamies celebrates and Tubs immediately went to work.

It was the best pap the teamies ever tested.

Teamies: (hungrier) Whale, we need more!!!

Whale: (flipping over his hands) but it’s for emergency, it’s a small pack!

19h00 eventually comes and the teamies crammed in as much “something” as they could into their tummy just so they don’t have to feel the hunger anymore . NoBOdy knows what they just ate.

A good night’s rest is needed. Goat & Bobbie tucked in, ready to... Listen to Whale and Ninja professing their love. Then just as Goat & BObbie drifts into dreamland, Ninja calls Goat. Needless to say Goat tells Ninja some profanities. BObbie & Goat now are awake and decided to share some moments of truths... Interrupted by the Ninja who wants some sleep. Yes, you don’t want to know what the Goat said...