Meyerton International Trash Ground Race Report
Let's just say team BO went into this weekend in some serious trouble. Their fearless leader Craptain had to print BOic's statements. Their team blonde Katy has to play with pipes. BOmie was at OFM and BOtall had ITB (some imaginary, temporary BOcrap). And where the remaining team mates were expecting BOnold to BO, BOlabia pulled out at team dindin, citing something...
But this is team BO, they gathered their courage and BOtagalong (BOtall & hence forth referred as BOtag), BOnold, BOlani & BObbie met at HQ whilst BOic decided to brave the trip on his own since he holds a Kempton Park passport. But BOnold, BOlani & BObbie were concerned (their passports is green) and this is when BOtag finally owned up. She is from the far south. Team BO immediately felt safer.
BOtag told BOlani to toss the GPS and lead the team toward the wild, the darkness, the abyss and the traffic cops?!!! WTF?!!! The fat greasy fingered cop still chewing into his KFC rolled out of the road and attempted to wave the team car down. At 260km/h, BOlani did not want to go to jail again, he immediately slam the accelerator and drove toward the fat cop. this brightens the team's mood as the fat cop chucked the chicken bones and dived back into the bush.
However, the scenarios begins to darken (when team BO ran out after the race, the right turn sign points us towards Alberton. Yep, that is how far south we were). Without their Craptain’s fearless leadership, BOtag begin to describe how the people who live here let the dog loose but tie up their children. BObbie immediately attempted to Tipp-Ex himself. The team also found out that BOlani holds an Alberton passport. But even he was shivering.
At the race ground, BOic flashed his Kempton Park passport and went to collect the numbers. Surprisingly, they weren't hand written. The lady with armpit hairs looked at his short short and asked him "Are you gay? Because we don't welcum gays here". BOic quickly told “him” he is BOtag's boyfriend. He got us the numbers.
Shivering, the rest of team BO drove into the "Meyerton International Race Ground". Immediately they felt threatened. Cyclists here don't shave, not even the females. They only ride alu or steel bikes with extra re-enforcements. Men drive bakkies and women drive scoobies with F1 rear spoilers and tie pony tails from their armpit hairs. Here in the deep south, cyclist use horse steroids and not EPO. they wear Bok jerseys, cargo shorts & veldskoenes for the race. Even Westranders are unusually quiet on the starting lines.
Anyway, the team had to work out a strategy as their Craptain was not there. They cum up with shield BOlani at all costs for a sprint win, BObbie & BOic tow & protect, BOnold covers & holds.
Upfront, BObbie lead the chu-chu mini train all the way to the break away. BOic joined in soon after. There was a tandem, an o'toppie and the fat guy (hence forth known as TFG). TFG is actually a solid 90km rider. He thought he would cum to the 40km group to win his first race ever. Well, ja, so did team BO.
Around the 15km mark team BO knows TFG is their only competitor. BObbie radioed BOic to give TFG a bit of a run up a hill. But this is the south and the wind is howling around 30km/h so the radio don't work so well. Whilst talking, BObbie lost TFG's tail by about 5m, so he radioed BOic again to say he will tow him to TFG for the attack. BObbie then jumped. BOic not a sprinter, had a slow start. BObbie realizing he jumped too quickly tailed off to the slowing tandem (uphill now) to wait. But BOic is like a diesel truck, he just needed some time and he roared passed BObbie and TFG. BOlani at the back witnessing BObbie made a tactical error had no choice followed BOdiesel. TFG knowing he is in deep kak quickly tagged. BObbie once again didn't believe TFG can last against BOic & BOlani, didn't bother to chase. Another donut brain logic.
Just before the 20km turn (a loop), BObbie identified and radioed BOic & BOlani that there is only one tandem and one oke in blue ahead. BOic & BOlani started to chase and BObbie also started the attempt to get back. He also found BOnold who is still slowing the palookas by fondling. With the wind on his back, BObbie soon picked up the oke in blue (dumped by the breakaway group by now) and another tandem zoomed passed. BObbie went for the chase but didn't get the wheel so was left in the open. Upfront, TFG was tagging hard onto team BO.
BObbie used an uphill sprint to get on the tandem. By 30km mark, he has lost sight of his teammates. So he sat on the tandem on the flats and towed them up any inclines. At the 34km mark, BObbie not sure whether the tandem would be placed decided not to risk it and took another uphill sprint and begun time-trialing home with the tandem chasing. BOnold is still fondling armpit pony tails, except they are a bit wet now.
Before the finish, team BO couldn't shake TFG and is beginning to pay him respect. Turning onto the final 500m sprint BOic went ahead to create a trap for TFG. Finally he bit and sat toight, so toight BOic could feel TFG's tummy bumping against his scrawny ass. BOic then had an orgasm and slowed at that moment so BOlani jumped from the right with 20m to go for team BO's first victory. BOic also shook off TFG and took second. BObbie managed to stay ahead of the tandem and came in 4th. BOnold by now is making pleats.
Team BO then went to pay their respect to TFG and celebrated by chopping the melon!
To make up, BOtag took team BO to Ginos, some italian restaurant in some industrial area in the South but had some awesome, awesome pizza for lunch. It was so good team BO forgot to take pics...
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