The Running Diary - The Epic Battle of S.A. vs Australia, Rugby World Cup 2011

(Ed. note: Yes, yes, we know, we know. This post has nothing to do with cycling. But you know what? Team B.O. is involved, Rugby World Cup is a big deal in South Africa, so shut up and read it... Oh, and this piece is written from the memory of the BOditor, accuracy is an after thought)


Since it's the do-or-die match for the Bokke, the boys gathered at the HQ for 2011 Rugby World Cup Quarter Finals. For this special event, a cinema size high definition projector is to be used with a 7.1 digital surround sound. The HQ is also stocked with so much food that can feed BObbie for maybe 2 meals. Even the long lost Taliban showed face!


Lani: (excited) Taliban, Taliban, come help me with the Projector.
Taliban: (even more excited) lemme at it, lemme at it.


(bang... poof... smokes...)


Lani: (on a rampage) CAN YOU NOT BLOW SUMTHING UP JUST FOR A MORNING?!!!
Taliban: (pleased with himself) sorry, sorry... hehehehehe...


Now the teammies can only watch the game on a 60" Plasma. Entire Team B.O. disses the Taliban.


No matter, Lani, 'Pa, Taliban, Pluggie, Panda & BObbie soon gathered in front of the TV. Goat is hospitalized after pulling a T-Rex on a treadmill due to sabbaths. Zie bushies, Ninja & Larry claimed non-violence clause and the girls weren't invited for vulgar reasons.


As the two teams lined up for their national anthems readying for the forth coming battle that can only be described as epic, the teammies gobbled down Nutella croissants and real coffee.


We shall now turn our attention to BONN who's doing a live running diary.

Kick off!!!

1 min: Over the top?!!! Aussies get first scrum. 'Pa immediately calls out Bryce Lawrence.

2 min: Fumble!!! Cooper has been talking big all year long, where's Bakkies when we needed him?

5 min: Genia & Cooper has to play safe. BOkke looking dominant, Team B.O. celebrate by eating another Nuttela Croissant (OK, so it's only BObbie). 'Pa notes how well PDV coached, Victor Matfield and the rest of the teammies disagrees.


7 min: Pietersen and Burger gains ground on the right. BOkke steal the Sheep-lover's line-out and work it left where Habana, Brussow and Fourie did some nifty offloads. 'Pa calls Burger "Hulk", Lani calls him brain dead, Pluggie tries to separate them. BObbie eats another Nutella croissant.

9 min: Jean de Villiers breaks but Bryan Habana can't quite gather his offload, BObbie calls Habana butter fingers. 'Pa challenges BObbie to cage fighting.

TRY! BOkke 0-5 Sheep Lovers: James Horwill barges his way through after BOkke turned over five metres from their own line. 'Pa wants Bryce Lawrence investigated. Pluggie preaches calm. BObbie, OK, never mind BObbie...

13 min: Beale ran all over the BOkke, 'Pa throws Nuttela at the TV, Taliban yells "someBOdy tackle someone"! BObbie wants Juan Smith and Duane Vermulan back.

PENALTY! BOkke 0-8 Sheep Lovers: James O'Connor didn't trip over himself and lands 3. Pluggie & BObbie not panicking yet. Lani started "I told you so" chant. Panda is caressing 'Pa...

19 min: Brussow injured!!! BObbie & Pluggie begins to freak out, Panda is calling his bookies, 'Pa is stunned, Taliban it biting his nails and David Pocock just came alive!

21 min: Burger held up. Teammies all biting each other's nails. Lani gave BObbie another Nutella croissant.

26 min: Steyn misses a penalty?!!! 'Pa blames Bryce Lawrence.

30 min: Cooper knock on. BObbie notes he's worse than Invisible Man Spies. Entire country now asked "Where is Spies?".

32 min: BOkke waste a 3 on 2 possession with a crap pass to Habana then elected to kick for touch instead of a penalty. Pluggie winces in pain. BObbie wonders who coaches them (It's later confirmed by a BOk Legend that the senior BOkke coached themselves and PDV allows them. Sensible rugby minds shakes their heads, Stache shaves his beard).

33 min: BOkke looses possession on the Sheep Lovers' line ... again. BObbie eat his 5th Nutella croissant.

34 min: Pietersen attempts to dance his way through to no avail. Pocock emerges with the ball and a penalty. BObbie notes noBOdy clears the ruck or attempts to slow down since Pocock is getting away with murder without Brussow. Bryce Lawrence nods in agreement.

PENALTY! BOkke 3-8 Sheep Lovers: Team B.O. and South Africa breaths a little. PDV, Muir & Gold stopped writing their resignation letters.

40 min: Steyn misses another tough penalty. PDV, Muir & Gold picked up their pen. Pluggie consuls 'Pa.

Half time: BOkke 0-8 Sheep Lovers.

2nd half! Pluggies wonders out aloud how are we so dominant on stats but has nothing to show for it. 'Pa wants to knwo how come we can't change the scores like they do in golf.

42 min: Same kak different half. BOkke rolls through the phases and the Sheep Lovers holds the line.

43 min: BOkke is playing really well, or until three Sheep Lovers attemptedd gang rape on Pietersen and Ioane picks up and chips ahead. Then Cooper knocks-on. Pluggie & BObbie debates who's the better butter finger, Cooper or Spies? Panda reckons it's Cooper since noBOdy knows where Spies is.

44 min: BOkke scores!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What? Forward pass?!!! Simon Barnes calls forward from JDV to Lambies. Video replay shows forward. Sheep Lovers wants to hump Bryce Lawrence now.

49 min: Francois Hougaard is on for Bryan Habana and Bismarck du Plessis for John Smit. Panda immediately wanted to hump Bismarck. BObbie wonders why is Habana starting ahead of Hougaard. 'Pa throws a Nutella croissant at BObbie.

53 min: Pat McCabe goes off and Berrick Barnes is on. BObbie grimaces in pain and notes Barnes is gonna do what Cooper can't do. Pluggie hopes BObbie doesn't know what he is talking about.

PENALTY! BOkke 6-8 Sheep Lovers: Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 'Pa almost hit his head on the ceiling as Steyn's kick flies over between the posts.

56 min: Bismarck charges down Cooper! Panda "**me" on the spot!

DROP GOAL! BOkke 9-8 Sheep Lovers: Sheep Lovers lose the ball from the line out. BOkke work the space for Steyn and it flies over. Teammies screams in unison for the first time in the morning.

62 min: Australia just can't keep the ball and are being dominated all over the show. Pluggie did a calm version of "I told you so", Lani disappears. PDV wants another big medal.

65 min: South Africa are literally camping in the Sheep Lover's bedroom right now. David Pocock is saving the Sheep Lovers. Bakkies & Brussow is screaming "someBOdy do our jobs!!!!". 'Pa wants Taliban to bomb Bryce Lawrence. Pluggie & BObbie wishes someBOdy, anyBOdy from the BOkke would just slow the ball down instead of complaining to the ref.

67 min: Fourie Du Preez, ex-best rugby player of the world is wide awake and almost scores on an alert play. You only wish he was 1 year younger. Pat Lambie then tries a drop goal but it drifts just wide of the right-hand post. Sheep Lovers everywhere panics. At B.O. HQ, BOwife brings up the babies to join in the fun.

PENALTY! BOkke 9-11 Sheep Lovers: Danie Roussow gives away a killer penalty. Pluggie is holding the 'Pa and tries to explain to him that Bryce Lawrence is in New Zealand and the TV is only reflecting a moving image. BOwife quickly packs up the babies and escapes. BObbie swallows his 12th Nutella croissant.

74 min: The South African players are getting frustrated now... You don't want to know what's happening in the HQ right now...

76 min: Berrick Barnes is doing what Cooper should be doing. BObbie & Pluggie can't watch. 'Pa is tied up so he doesn't jump off the ledge.

79 min: BOkke are keeping the ball alive and hope the Sheep Lovers screw up and give away a penalty. Sheep Lovers keeps the ball away from Cooper. Knock on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Entire South Africa starts man hunting Bryce Lawrence.

Full time: South Africa 9-11 Australia. At HQ, Lani did a half hearted "I told you so", Pluggie still couldn't figure out the stats indifference and BObbie swallows his 18th Nutella croissant whilst Taliban plans a car bomb on Bryce Lawrence. Panda is still man-loving Bismarck and 'Pa is still tied down. The streets of South Africa is scarily quiet. Husbands and boy friends everywhere begins evacuation to escape beatings. Rumours, facts are now all surfacing from the BOkke camp. Bryce Lawrence cancels his Cape Town holiday plans and hires ex-SAS as body guards.