Hostile Take Over - Critical Mess JHB
According to Wikia.com, Cricital Mess Johannesburg is a small, growing group of fun-loving freaks who rides through Johannesburg every last Friday evening of a month.
Generally, only Animal Farms have been to it and continues to urge the rest of team B.O. to show up. So last Friday, Lani dragged BObbie's fat ass to join Goat, Whale & Panda to check it out in person what the fuss is about.
But where BObbie is, the kak goes. Friday night turns out to be a cold and windy evening. Lani & BObbie were told that usually about 40 or so happy, weed smoking teens shows up. With the chill, the teammies waited till 19h45 and only about 20 showed up.
The idea of it is to ride your bikes through the city of Johannesburg itself. But in S.A., the city itself is unlike a metropolis city such as London, New York, Tokyo where people live their lives on the street. Especially with a rather high crime rate, Johannesburg at night is rather lame. Add to the fact that the usual organizers didn't show up (the BObbie effect), Critical Mess for September is quite a mess.
However, this is Team B.O. Zie Whale after his soul searching, eat everything and anything trip at Thailand (zie Whale is concerned that he might have had sexual intercourse with feman, shemale or whatever they are called, but that's another story) found that his uber boom box is destroyed. No matter, he built another one. Zie Lani, overthrows the democracy route and plotted his own route for everyone even though this is his first time. Zie Goat used his special ability and herded loose cyclists and gathered them together. He also found BObbie who is already eating.
Goat: (disgusted) We eat after we ride!!!
BObbie: (grumpy) Vokking unorganized kak zies is. I am hungry, I need to be fed, I am grumpy if I am not fed (gobbles down some food he found around the corner and we can't figure out what it is) I am not riding this and I hate mountain bikes, they are uncomfortable and only has one bottle cage so where can i put my coffee. Also, it's cold, so I need more food, and also...
Goat: (had enough and smacks BObbie with his 19...).
Finally, and we have no idea how it happened, but Team B.O. led out the group onto Lani's route. Now the BOditor could not understand what the fuss is about. After all, Jo'burg is not a lively city after dark but this is where zie Whale proved himself to be the most important member of Critical Mess JHB. Zie Whale has a car battery, a MP3 player, a set of speakers and an AMP decorated by Christmas tree lights strapped on his abused bike and joined by zie Lani's accident causing lights, they became the lighthouse of Critical Mess and the group followed the musics and the light. Around every corner the good citizens of Johannesburg joined by Taxi drivers were soon cheering and singing along with the group.
Critical Mess has just became a moving party on the street!!!
(BObbie: (grumpy) I am hungry and I still hate mountain bikes!!!)
(Pluggie: (explaining) But this is not mountain biking?!!!)
(BObbie: (grumpy) What do you know anyway? Putting a mountain bike cleat on a road bike is not mountain biking either!!!)
From the Baxter Theatre, the Mess rode along Commissioner, partying over the Madiba Bridge, looped along Empire and just when the rest of the Mess is totally confused zie Lani led them to Mayfair, where a huge Indian Community lives with a Night Market!!! Now this is what Critical Mess should be. Lani announced that there is a 15 minute break and guys should maze around the market for sum chow. BObbie immediately reacted only to be held back by zie Lani.
BObbie: (confused) WTF?!!! I am hungry!!!
Lani: (matter of factly) Dude, you can get lost in the market if you don't know where you are going.
BObbie: (hungry) So why you sending them in.
Lani: (angry) Does it look like I organized this Mess?!!!
As expected, 15 minutes turns into 30 minute as few of the masses were lost in the mess. BObbie's hunger level is now over the "I am so hungry I can eat a goat" level. Goat stayed very far away from him.
Eventually the lost were found and the Mess headed back to Baxter Theatre. BObbie immediately went into the hotel. The teammies ordered 7 large pizzas and started gulping it down. Goat took the opportunity and destroyed BObbie at chess since he knew BObbie can't think when he's hungry. The pizza all tested the same, BObbie couldn't understand why they have pizza menus, it's a mess anyway. but alas, at least it's not "pan fried"!!!
It is though, a lot of fun. It's an experience a cyclist or even an average citizen of Johannesburg would not encounter often, if at all. It is friendly, safe, fun and different. This needs to be on Team B.O. calendar. With a little better organization (technically, you don't want to have a schedule for its original intent, 'Pa advils out of his nostrils and went to look for his soap box) one can have a blast riding through the street of Johannesburg, sing and dance on their bikes with crowds cheering you on and cars actually joining you for the ride. You can absolutely have an awesome meal in the Indian Night Market (Panda succeeded in getting some chow, BObbie approves!!!) and enjoy a game of cheese over sum crappy pizza and burnt coffee.
Next C.M. JHB is on 28 October. All teammies should be there with team kits. BEE is definitely needed!
(It's a pity we don't have more photos to show you as the team's official photographer is a tjop. Instead of taking down memories he enjoyed himself so maach he did not very maach).
Generally, only Animal Farms have been to it and continues to urge the rest of team B.O. to show up. So last Friday, Lani dragged BObbie's fat ass to join Goat, Whale & Panda to check it out in person what the fuss is about.
But where BObbie is, the kak goes. Friday night turns out to be a cold and windy evening. Lani & BObbie were told that usually about 40 or so happy, weed smoking teens shows up. With the chill, the teammies waited till 19h45 and only about 20 showed up.
The idea of it is to ride your bikes through the city of Johannesburg itself. But in S.A., the city itself is unlike a metropolis city such as London, New York, Tokyo where people live their lives on the street. Especially with a rather high crime rate, Johannesburg at night is rather lame. Add to the fact that the usual organizers didn't show up (the BObbie effect), Critical Mess for September is quite a mess.
However, this is Team B.O. Zie Whale after his soul searching, eat everything and anything trip at Thailand (zie Whale is concerned that he might have had sexual intercourse with feman, shemale or whatever they are called, but that's another story) found that his uber boom box is destroyed. No matter, he built another one. Zie Lani, overthrows the democracy route and plotted his own route for everyone even though this is his first time. Zie Goat used his special ability and herded loose cyclists and gathered them together. He also found BObbie who is already eating.
Goat: (disgusted) We eat after we ride!!!
BObbie: (grumpy) Vokking unorganized kak zies is. I am hungry, I need to be fed, I am grumpy if I am not fed (gobbles down some food he found around the corner and we can't figure out what it is) I am not riding this and I hate mountain bikes, they are uncomfortable and only has one bottle cage so where can i put my coffee. Also, it's cold, so I need more food, and also...
Goat: (had enough and smacks BObbie with his 19...).
Finally, and we have no idea how it happened, but Team B.O. led out the group onto Lani's route. Now the BOditor could not understand what the fuss is about. After all, Jo'burg is not a lively city after dark but this is where zie Whale proved himself to be the most important member of Critical Mess JHB. Zie Whale has a car battery, a MP3 player, a set of speakers and an AMP decorated by Christmas tree lights strapped on his abused bike and joined by zie Lani's accident causing lights, they became the lighthouse of Critical Mess and the group followed the musics and the light. Around every corner the good citizens of Johannesburg joined by Taxi drivers were soon cheering and singing along with the group.
Critical Mess has just became a moving party on the street!!!
(BObbie: (grumpy) I am hungry and I still hate mountain bikes!!!)
(Pluggie: (explaining) But this is not mountain biking?!!!)
(BObbie: (grumpy) What do you know anyway? Putting a mountain bike cleat on a road bike is not mountain biking either!!!)
From the Baxter Theatre, the Mess rode along Commissioner, partying over the Madiba Bridge, looped along Empire and just when the rest of the Mess is totally confused zie Lani led them to Mayfair, where a huge Indian Community lives with a Night Market!!! Now this is what Critical Mess should be. Lani announced that there is a 15 minute break and guys should maze around the market for sum chow. BObbie immediately reacted only to be held back by zie Lani.
BObbie: (confused) WTF?!!! I am hungry!!!
Lani: (matter of factly) Dude, you can get lost in the market if you don't know where you are going.
BObbie: (hungry) So why you sending them in.
Lani: (angry) Does it look like I organized this Mess?!!!
As expected, 15 minutes turns into 30 minute as few of the masses were lost in the mess. BObbie's hunger level is now over the "I am so hungry I can eat a goat" level. Goat stayed very far away from him.
Eventually the lost were found and the Mess headed back to Baxter Theatre. BObbie immediately went into the hotel. The teammies ordered 7 large pizzas and started gulping it down. Goat took the opportunity and destroyed BObbie at chess since he knew BObbie can't think when he's hungry. The pizza all tested the same, BObbie couldn't understand why they have pizza menus, it's a mess anyway. but alas, at least it's not "pan fried"!!!
It is though, a lot of fun. It's an experience a cyclist or even an average citizen of Johannesburg would not encounter often, if at all. It is friendly, safe, fun and different. This needs to be on Team B.O. calendar. With a little better organization (technically, you don't want to have a schedule for its original intent, 'Pa advils out of his nostrils and went to look for his soap box) one can have a blast riding through the street of Johannesburg, sing and dance on their bikes with crowds cheering you on and cars actually joining you for the ride. You can absolutely have an awesome meal in the Indian Night Market (Panda succeeded in getting some chow, BObbie approves!!!) and enjoy a game of cheese over sum crappy pizza and burnt coffee.
Next C.M. JHB is on 28 October. All teammies should be there with team kits. BEE is definitely needed!
Skate Boy joined the cyclist all the way. He was awesome, getting pulled on uphills, jumping obstacles on down hills and hung onto taxis, cop vans and buses for speed!
(It's a pity we don't have more photos to show you as the team's official photographer is a tjop. Instead of taking down memories he enjoyed himself so maach he did not very maach).
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