The BOla BOla Race Report - Panada & Goatie Edition
It's BOla BOla time!!!
After Panada was busted doping at the Berge en Dale, he was sentenced to an exile [Ed. note: (snickers) Yes, UCI, this is how B.O. does it!!!] to learn how to dope properly and it has been a long, dark, lonely exile. The Panada never went back to Krugies and filmed an advertisement for Mattress King a la some famous steak eater, the Panada simply served his ban and now are back and ready to ride again!
The teamies decided to celebrate his return at the BOla BOla. Some knows this race for it's less known name the Sondela Bela Bela Challenge, but E's, O's, they all vowels. No matter, TIME to gather the teamies.
Crap: (stop bothering me) I only do big races...
Donkey: (I got a race to do) I am off to Sani2C...
Katy: (I got a real race to do) I am off to Sani2C...
BObbie: (I don't do cold or dark) I am hungry...
Lani: (obviously) Well, someBOdy has to feed the BObbie.
Lolly: (er...) LOOK, I am er... well, I am busy...
Stache: (BObbie is the best) Singapore is fantastic!!!
It's settled then.
From the West, Goat, Whale, Panada, Papa and Dev 1 arrived at the guest house and found Tubs had done the right thing and made his Appliconts6 and 7 setting the table. Tally wasn't gonna be outdone and had her female puppy BOzo starting the braai. Yes, although BObbie wasn't there, the teamies knows food is no. 1 on the list. And although Donkey isn't here either, they also know what no. 2 is.
[Ed. note: (informing) Taggie hasn't exactly got his B.O. yet, but just so you know, he's the BOzo...]
The morning of the race was effing cold with the sun only up at 07h00. Panada however FELT nothing.
Fortunately for Papa and Panada, Applicont 6 pretended he had flu so they pillaged his equipment for cycling shorts and thermals [2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans just collectively went "yeow!!! What else do you guys share?!!!]. Had he been racing it would have meant Papa in Panada's shorts and he would have looked like he had taken a dump in his bibs [BObaby 2: (what's the biggie) I do it all the time, but I do it in MY own diapers...].
The A group was a fast start as usual and the cold air was harsh as we gulped and panted for air while straining to keep up with the leaders. Esmero quickly went up front to tow some. Whale had by now forsaken his BO homies and was kissing Esmero ass up front, citing similar sizes.
The bunch was 340+ and being a flat race the bunch stayed big and dangerous with constant breaking and surging. Along the way at a roadwork point some dude in "twotones" with a flag was screaming "klippe". Panada thought he was saying "klippies" and started looking for what was sure to be a water point with a difference. Disappointed that he meant the roadwork, Panada rejoined the pack dreaming of what could have been [Team B.O. Public Office: (educating) Children, this is why you shouldn't dope, even if you stop, you become an alchi...].
Unsurprisingly, as soon as the wind picked up, Esmero and their new friend Whale dropped off the front and the pace slowed. Papa, Goat and Panada decided to show them Whale was just a dummy and whizz past them all to come in within a few seconds of the leaders. Tubs came in straight after with his old buddy Jack.
There were a few prangs at the finish line 'cos the planks organizing the race took the cyclists right and then left without warning. There was another twotone dude there waving his flags and screaming "klippe", everyBOdy thought he meant roadworks. Well, they did at least have some barriers for you to crash into. You can't say they didn't do any forward planning.
From the comfort of the sand next to the finish line, The Goat confirmed it was a good Esmero training ride with strong sprint finishes into the barriers. The Goat escaped with his life (and without his TIME & medal) intact after turning right instead of riding strong into steel and "looth-ink more teefs".
The curse of BObbie fell upon Tally [2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans: (what were you thinking) Who S/T'd with the BObbie, what did she expect? Wors?] who suffered three punctures...
BOzo rode with two gears after the cables snapped at the start [2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans: (don't you ever learn) Tally told you it was the shop who re-cabled right, she paid for it first right? idiot, maybe you need a lawyer...]... TIME to start shopping and... er... BObbie... Any advice here BObbie [BObbie: (straight face, chubby, but straight) Shopping? Bikes or girlfriend?]? BOzo though, who can't operate a BOcycle proper only realized around the 80km mark that the cables did in fact work and set out to conquer Applicont 7 [BObbie: (pulls out BObaby 2's alphabet book) New bike? New Gal? How's about an education?].
After Panada was busted doping at the Berge en Dale, he was sentenced to an exile [Ed. note: (snickers) Yes, UCI, this is how B.O. does it!!!] to learn how to dope properly and it has been a long, dark, lonely exile. The Panada never went back to Krugies and filmed an advertisement for Mattress King a la some famous steak eater, the Panada simply served his ban and now are back and ready to ride again!
The teamies decided to celebrate his return at the BOla BOla. Some knows this race for it's less known name the Sondela Bela Bela Challenge, but E's, O's, they all vowels. No matter, TIME to gather the teamies.
Crap: (stop bothering me) I only do big races...
Donkey: (I got a race to do) I am off to Sani2C...
Katy: (I got a real race to do) I am off to Sani2C...
BObbie: (I don't do cold or dark) I am hungry...
Lani: (obviously) Well, someBOdy has to feed the BObbie.
Lolly: (er...) LOOK, I am er... well, I am busy...
Stache: (BObbie is the best) Singapore is fantastic!!!
It's settled then.
From the West, Goat, Whale, Panada, Papa and Dev 1 arrived at the guest house and found Tubs had done the right thing and made his Appliconts6 and 7 setting the table. Tally wasn't gonna be outdone and had her female puppy BOzo starting the braai. Yes, although BObbie wasn't there, the teamies knows food is no. 1 on the list. And although Donkey isn't here either, they also know what no. 2 is.
[Ed. note: (informing) Taggie hasn't exactly got his B.O. yet, but just so you know, he's the BOzo...]
Panada chose the spot, Goatie not sure if he should step in...
Tubs: (stating a fact) I think BObbie's is about...
BOzo: (a bit disappointed) That's all? Well, Tally said size don't really matter. But she goes out to ride with BObbie all the time...
Panada: (taking a photo) EveryBody say cheese! Er... Goat, ah, never mind the Goat...
Dev1 scratching her right shoulder, Goat scratching his, ah, never mind the Goat...
Applicont6 and 7: (er...) Er... should we be eating that before a race?
BOzo: (WTF) What the 'eff?!!! Who did this?!!!
BOzo: (upset) Goatie, did you marking penned my face?!!!
Tubs: (in tears) Where's BObbie and Donkey?
1... 2...
Cheese!!!
Team B.O.'s secret recipe, beef for protein, veges for nutirents and lots of sauce. It's all about the sauce!
And pasta for carbo loading!!!
2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans: (idiots) If you morons would mix the two you'd get a pasta dish, just saying, use it, don't use it...
Team B.O.: (oh) Oh...
Preparing hydration for the race, Tubs & Donkey style...
Massages are essential for cyclists... OK, so maybe Tubs don't always get to the right spot...
Tubs: (matter of factly) Yeah, that'a about the right size for the BObbie...
Tally: (OMG) Really?!!! That's fantastic!!!
Panada: (clearly just got conned) What?!!! Whale said it will keep me warm!!!
Fortunately for Papa and Panada, Applicont 6 pretended he had flu so they pillaged his equipment for cycling shorts and thermals [2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans just collectively went "yeow!!! What else do you guys share?!!!]. Had he been racing it would have meant Papa in Panada's shorts and he would have looked like he had taken a dump in his bibs [BObaby 2: (what's the biggie) I do it all the time, but I do it in MY own diapers...].
Eventually the sun comes...
Wild animals: (scratching their heads with their hoofs) The humans does what?!!! Travel 100km on wheels? Don't they have legs?
Team photo!!! Papa, be serious!!!
OK, let's try again, team photo!
Oh wait, evidently we forgot we had more B.O.'s...
Oh for 'eff sakes, can we just do this once!!!
Team B.O.'s secret weapon...
Panada back to riding again!!!
The bunch was 340+ and being a flat race the bunch stayed big and dangerous with constant breaking and surging. Along the way at a roadwork point some dude in "twotones" with a flag was screaming "klippe". Panada thought he was saying "klippies" and started looking for what was sure to be a water point with a difference. Disappointed that he meant the roadwork, Panada rejoined the pack dreaming of what could have been [Team B.O. Public Office: (educating) Children, this is why you shouldn't dope, even if you stop, you become an alchi...].
Unsurprisingly, as soon as the wind picked up, Esmero and their new friend Whale dropped off the front and the pace slowed. Papa, Goat and Panada decided to show them Whale was just a dummy and whizz past them all to come in within a few seconds of the leaders. Tubs came in straight after with his old buddy Jack.
There were a few prangs at the finish line 'cos the planks organizing the race took the cyclists right and then left without warning. There was another twotone dude there waving his flags and screaming "klippe", everyBOdy thought he meant roadworks. Well, they did at least have some barriers for you to crash into. You can't say they didn't do any forward planning.
And we are back!!!
From the comfort of the sand next to the finish line, The Goat confirmed it was a good Esmero training ride with strong sprint finishes into the barriers. The Goat escaped with his life (and without his TIME & medal) intact after turning right instead of riding strong into steel and "looth-ink more teefs".
The curse of BObbie fell upon Tally [2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans: (what were you thinking) Who S/T'd with the BObbie, what did she expect? Wors?] who suffered three punctures...
BOzo rode with two gears after the cables snapped at the start [2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans: (don't you ever learn) Tally told you it was the shop who re-cabled right, she paid for it first right? idiot, maybe you need a lawyer...]... TIME to start shopping and... er... BObbie... Any advice here BObbie [BObbie: (straight face, chubby, but straight) Shopping? Bikes or girlfriend?]? BOzo though, who can't operate a BOcycle proper only realized around the 80km mark that the cables did in fact work and set out to conquer Applicont 7 [BObbie: (pulls out BObaby 2's alphabet book) New bike? New Gal? How's about an education?].
Tally: (pissed) 'eff that BObbie, when I get back, I am gonna $#&^@*^#&@*#$%@*&#^*@#&^!!!
Appliconts on a sweep vehicle...
The cable guy...
Tally: (pissed) 'eff that BObbie, when I get back, I am gonna $#&^@*^#&@*#$%@*&#^*@#&^!!!
Bus conductor: (you have to be kidding me) idiots...
The sweep vehicle...
Deciding they would leave no men behind (The Goat thinking maybe he can do a second strong finish) and Papa set out to horde in the remaining teamies on their finishing stretch. Thus it can be confirmed; with three punctures Tally still BOsses BOzo who almost fall back to conthood by edging ahead the Applicont7 who managed to stay ahead of Dev1.
For Centrum Marketing Department... yeah, you guys are lucky BObbie isn't here...
The team returned to the temporary HQ to enjoy a well earned rest and discovered Panada has a Dev without proper applicotion. Then again, Goat also met a new friend Johnny. It was all happiness until the Whale cramped his style insisting he needed to get back to his aquarium. Apparently whales mates with a schedule.
So after losing coin flips, rock-paper-scissors and consensus, the Whale resorted to basic pleading, finally earning his leave.
Whale served with his mating papers by a zoologist... finally!!!
The next morning the remnants of the teamies had breakfast at some family restaurant that's famous for their cowboys and Indians where poor coffee and slow service were the norm. Papa [EveryBOdy: (again!!!) Oh, here we go...] dispensed an impromptu lecture to Gugu the waitress expounding the economic advantanges of good service and a smiley face [Ed. note: (reporting) Since Papa is leaving for some Eastern European country famous for its services, Papa will either be dispelled or jailed, we will follow that story]. Before their food get spatted, the leftover teamies gathered and heads home...
And at home, according to BOzo, things were set right.............
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