The World Is Your Oyster
Or in BObbie's case, he eat them...
It's winter, everyBOdy's hibernating, Lani decided he needs a holiday after the torturous stage race he just did. But those BObabies are Duracell bunnies on solar charge, Lani needs a plan.
Lani: (conning) Gaatie, How's about a weekend at Knysna Oyster Festival huh? we can enjoy the sea, the forest, oysters, maybe some riding?
Gaatie: (easily conned) IN, IN, where do I sign up?
Lani: (conning continues) Just help me with dem BObabies...
Gaatie: (put the phone down on Lani...) I have a sale...
It didn't work with the Waala either, so the only idiot who is easy prey is the BObbie.
Lani: (conning again) BObs, come to Knysna with me, I feed you.
BObbie: (too easy) IN...
First thing first, BObaby 2 must be leashed and prevented from dismantling check in counters. X-Ray machines are for luggages and you can't go back and forth through the "beep, beep" gate, that's right BObbie, you are teaching BObaby 2 some really bad habits.
As usual with a certain airline and BObbie on tour, they are late. So by the time they arrived at George, BObaby 2 & BObbie has already polished off a packet of Lays Cheese and Onion, Nik Naks and Ghost pops.
Anyway, Lani packed his family and BObbie in a SUV and headed toward Knysna, on the way he begins to explain to BObbie the route profile, where's a good spot to attack, where's the U-Turn back and the gradients of the climbs.
BObbie: (confused) WTF? I am here to eat... what I care about them 3km climbs?
Lani: (revealing) LOOK, I entered you in the 100km road race, it's flat, there is only 480m of climbing according to the organisers and they had to reduce it to 80km because of road works.
BObbie: (conned...) There is no freaking way this race is only 480m of climbing!!!
Lani: (and that's not all) Oh and I also entered you in a mountain bike race, Dinki said to call him if you don't know where the gears are.
At least the Lani knows where to live...
(Gaatie after receiving the photos on SMS beat up some of his customers at the sale and had to be locked up in the bathroom...)
Since it's the Oyster's festival and they are R 10.00 a pop, Lani swallowed... BObbie now knowing he has to become a mountain biker, begin by swallowing a Savanna Dry.
Dinki, Tubs and BOatie: (disses BObbie) ha-puey... that's not even a drink...
Turns out, Lani also conned his brother-in-law to do the 15km, the dude is 93kg and the last time he exercised was... well, he can't remember...
It's unreal that between George and Knysna, Lani and BObbie had already counted 6 bike shops and there are more. They rocked into a store in George with an Italian owner Mario who has one of the best bike shops BObbie has seen and wait for it, wait for it, prices that is fair!!!!! And if it is fair, it's cheap comparing to Jo'burg stores! Lani immediately piled the counter. BObbie couldn't resist too, he got himself a Crampagnolo cycling cap with World Chump stripes!!!
TIME to get dem numbers, You can see they tried to emulate the event a la Argus, They even have their mini Expo and R 8.00 Oysters!!! Besides, BOb's on holiday, let's not hold back...
That night, apparently BObbie woke the BObabies up by constantly visiting the toilet...
But Lani is having none of it, runny tummies or not, BObbie is gonna do his first ever mountain bike race... so they lined up...
Yeah, that lining up too.
To make sure there were no surprises, BObbie made Lani drive the route the day before, according to the profile, there is a 3km climb, after inspecting such monstrosity, BObbie thinks it's fitting for kiddies. So as they are released, BObbie happily bounced the pavements and enjoyed the scenery. The route is flat and it's on tar, BObbie no understand what's the fuss with mountain biking, just get a road bike.
And den...
The first kilometre...
BObbie: (WTF just happened?!!!)...
Lani: (hehehehehe...) I think I turned too early...
Lani's brother in law no more: (you can't make out what came out of his white foamy mouth...)
And then you turn at the top for the 2nd kilometre...
And yep, another turn for the 3rd kilometre...
By now, BObbie has completely forgotten how to change gears and shock settings, he does the only thing he knows how and just spin those chubby legs and leave the Lani and his brother in law behind because if he stop he's gonna cry. after dumping all the kiddies behind, he eventually made to the top... and waited for the Lani...
No jokes, the first ten to arrive to the top that's not a BObbie, seven are kiddies, what the heck do they feed them here in Knysna?!!! I mean BObbie ate them oysters too, all he got was the anal sting with all them wet wipes...
Oh well, here's the Lani. At least the course was quite ingenious, you are literally riding on a golf course, right on top of Knysna, finally for some easy riding...
NOT...
How is this legal?!!! Lani's brother in law took one LOOK to the top and just got off the bike, claiming he's seeing black dots, BObbie followed Lani up till about a half way and jumped off the bike since he's barely keeping balance with all the loose rocks.
(BOd note: At this point, Dinki made a not so nice remark describing BObbie as a certain female body part and calling this a kiddie race. Needless to say, BObbie and Dinki ain't chewning right now...)
At the top, Lani's brother who finally made it up asked for a bit of a break, to rid off them black dots he claims.
Finally some down hill, loose rocks, muds and all, BObbie slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly freaking out on the bikes whilst kiddies zoom past him. How is this fun?!!!
(BOd note: At this point, BOatie made another remark, ag, you know the story, BOatie and BObbie ain't chewning now either...)
With tears and snots running (perhaps something else too, but BObbie ain't admitting), BObbie and company finally made it back to the finish. To prove this is not a kiddie race, BObbie had to take a pic of a fellow rider...
Lani made up to BObbie by feeding him...
And this hasn't ended yet, tomorrow, is the road race, claimed 480m of climbing, much less now the final climb has been taken out due to road work, but BObbie don't beelieve a word Lani chewns now...
At least the Lani agreed to ride in the B group since BObbie is still traumatised... and the brother in law flatly refuses to ride a bicycle ever again.
No matter, the route though is really pretty, you start at Knysna along the inner sea side with smooth tar roads and traffic automatically get out of your way. Full road closure was not promised but it certainly felt like it, except 5km into the race, a near 3km climb of 7% gradient awaits. Since the route takes you from Knysna and then back on the same road, this climb along is at least 480m!!!
Thank lord the B group was holding a nice pace. Lani & BObbie happily trotted along towing the peloton and pushing old ladies. By the time they reached Sedgefield, most of the peloton has gone. So Lani and BObbie jumped onto the 3rd peloton, met up with Santini (an old head doing some towing up front) and rode toward George.
The George climb is gorgeous, you climb for about 1.5km along the mountains to the top overlooking the sea, except the BOys had to turn back just before it. Lani & BObbie is bored again and begins to mess around and irritating the peloton. Eventually Santini has had enough.
Santini: (irritated) You know if you two clowns do some towing I might win the B group.
BObbie: (some fun at last) Ai? How far you reckon the first peloton is?
Santini: (you not serious) I'd say just before Sedgefield.
BObbie: (er...) Me no think me is that strong, maybe with Papa, Diniki, Gaatie, Waala, Lolly and Tallie here we can do it...
Santini: (huh) What?
Lani: (committing) All right, all right, we will use that climb coming up to see if we can get to the 2nd peloton first.
And by the TIME they arrived at the top, the BOys are now in the 2nd peloton with Santini, but the first peloton of probably around 30 strong is out of sight.
No matter, soon the BOys are about 5km before the final climb, BObbie pushing old ladies at the back had his chain came off and is forced to pull over.
BObbie: (save me, save me) Lani, Lani, help!!!
All BObbie got was a tool bag smacking him in the groin...
Angered, OK, not so much, but hungry, BObbie put the chain back on and started the chase. It took a while, but BObbie eventually dropped everyone he sees in sight, passed Santini leading the 2nd peloton and caught the Lani right at the top of the climb. As they begin their descend, Santini caught up with them.
As they riding along the beach towards the finish, a couple of guys jumped in on the mini train, BObbie, Santini and a girl rotated up front to keep the little group going until a Not Very Nice Guy in black who has been sitting in the group jumped the group for a sprint win to basically, yep, noBOdy cares placing. This is not on by B.O. standards. No matter, BObbie jumped him, sat his wheels for a bit and den put him in the gutters whilst Lani & Santini rode to the finish line.
(BOd note: Gaatie and Waala remembers BObbie for doing this at Tour Durban too, what a gutter feeder...)
A bit costly, but the food, the riding, the hospitality, the scenarios, the vibe was definitely worth while for a B.O. Tour. Except for dem kiddies, those damn Knysna kiddies who shamed BObbie on a bike, the whole lot of them...
Oh, and the beach...
It's winter, everyBOdy's hibernating, Lani decided he needs a holiday after the torturous stage race he just did. But those BObabies are Duracell bunnies on solar charge, Lani needs a plan.
Lani: (conning) Gaatie, How's about a weekend at Knysna Oyster Festival huh? we can enjoy the sea, the forest, oysters, maybe some riding?
Gaatie: (easily conned) IN, IN, where do I sign up?
Lani: (conning continues) Just help me with dem BObabies...
Gaatie: (put the phone down on Lani...) I have a sale...
It didn't work with the Waala either, so the only idiot who is easy prey is the BObbie.
Lani: (conning again) BObs, come to Knysna with me, I feed you.
BObbie: (too easy) IN...
First thing first, BObaby 2 must be leashed and prevented from dismantling check in counters. X-Ray machines are for luggages and you can't go back and forth through the "beep, beep" gate, that's right BObbie, you are teaching BObaby 2 some really bad habits.
As usual with a certain airline and BObbie on tour, they are late. So by the time they arrived at George, BObaby 2 & BObbie has already polished off a packet of Lays Cheese and Onion, Nik Naks and Ghost pops.
Anyway, Lani packed his family and BObbie in a SUV and headed toward Knysna, on the way he begins to explain to BObbie the route profile, where's a good spot to attack, where's the U-Turn back and the gradients of the climbs.
BObbie: (confused) WTF? I am here to eat... what I care about them 3km climbs?
Lani: (revealing) LOOK, I entered you in the 100km road race, it's flat, there is only 480m of climbing according to the organisers and they had to reduce it to 80km because of road works.
BObbie: (conned...) There is no freaking way this race is only 480m of climbing!!!
Lani: (and that's not all) Oh and I also entered you in a mountain bike race, Dinki said to call him if you don't know where the gears are.
At least the Lani knows where to live...
(Gaatie after receiving the photos on SMS beat up some of his customers at the sale and had to be locked up in the bathroom...)
Dinki, Tubs and BOatie: (disses BObbie) ha-puey... that's not even a drink...
Turns out, Lani also conned his brother-in-law to do the 15km, the dude is 93kg and the last time he exercised was... well, he can't remember...
It's unreal that between George and Knysna, Lani and BObbie had already counted 6 bike shops and there are more. They rocked into a store in George with an Italian owner Mario who has one of the best bike shops BObbie has seen and wait for it, wait for it, prices that is fair!!!!! And if it is fair, it's cheap comparing to Jo'burg stores! Lani immediately piled the counter. BObbie couldn't resist too, he got himself a Crampagnolo cycling cap with World Chump stripes!!!
TIME to get dem numbers, You can see they tried to emulate the event a la Argus, They even have their mini Expo and R 8.00 Oysters!!! Besides, BOb's on holiday, let's not hold back...
That night, apparently BObbie woke the BObabies up by constantly visiting the toilet...
But Lani is having none of it, runny tummies or not, BObbie is gonna do his first ever mountain bike race... so they lined up...
To make sure there were no surprises, BObbie made Lani drive the route the day before, according to the profile, there is a 3km climb, after inspecting such monstrosity, BObbie thinks it's fitting for kiddies. So as they are released, BObbie happily bounced the pavements and enjoyed the scenery. The route is flat and it's on tar, BObbie no understand what's the fuss with mountain biking, just get a road bike.
And den...
BObbie: (WTF just happened?!!!)...
Lani: (hehehehehe...) I think I turned too early...
Lani's brother in law no more: (you can't make out what came out of his white foamy mouth...)
And then you turn at the top for the 2nd kilometre...
And yep, another turn for the 3rd kilometre...
By now, BObbie has completely forgotten how to change gears and shock settings, he does the only thing he knows how and just spin those chubby legs and leave the Lani and his brother in law behind because if he stop he's gonna cry. after dumping all the kiddies behind, he eventually made to the top... and waited for the Lani...
No jokes, the first ten to arrive to the top that's not a BObbie, seven are kiddies, what the heck do they feed them here in Knysna?!!! I mean BObbie ate them oysters too, all he got was the anal sting with all them wet wipes...
Oh well, here's the Lani. At least the course was quite ingenious, you are literally riding on a golf course, right on top of Knysna, finally for some easy riding...
NOT...
How is this legal?!!! Lani's brother in law took one LOOK to the top and just got off the bike, claiming he's seeing black dots, BObbie followed Lani up till about a half way and jumped off the bike since he's barely keeping balance with all the loose rocks.
(BOd note: At this point, Dinki made a not so nice remark describing BObbie as a certain female body part and calling this a kiddie race. Needless to say, BObbie and Dinki ain't chewning right now...)
At the top, Lani's brother who finally made it up asked for a bit of a break, to rid off them black dots he claims.
Finally some down hill, loose rocks, muds and all, BObbie slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly freaking out on the bikes whilst kiddies zoom past him. How is this fun?!!!
(BOd note: At this point, BOatie made another remark, ag, you know the story, BOatie and BObbie ain't chewning now either...)
With tears and snots running (perhaps something else too, but BObbie ain't admitting), BObbie and company finally made it back to the finish. To prove this is not a kiddie race, BObbie had to take a pic of a fellow rider...
Lani made up to BObbie by feeding him...
And this hasn't ended yet, tomorrow, is the road race, claimed 480m of climbing, much less now the final climb has been taken out due to road work, but BObbie don't beelieve a word Lani chewns now...
At least the Lani agreed to ride in the B group since BObbie is still traumatised... and the brother in law flatly refuses to ride a bicycle ever again.
No matter, the route though is really pretty, you start at Knysna along the inner sea side with smooth tar roads and traffic automatically get out of your way. Full road closure was not promised but it certainly felt like it, except 5km into the race, a near 3km climb of 7% gradient awaits. Since the route takes you from Knysna and then back on the same road, this climb along is at least 480m!!!
Thank lord the B group was holding a nice pace. Lani & BObbie happily trotted along towing the peloton and pushing old ladies. By the time they reached Sedgefield, most of the peloton has gone. So Lani and BObbie jumped onto the 3rd peloton, met up with Santini (an old head doing some towing up front) and rode toward George.
The George climb is gorgeous, you climb for about 1.5km along the mountains to the top overlooking the sea, except the BOys had to turn back just before it. Lani & BObbie is bored again and begins to mess around and irritating the peloton. Eventually Santini has had enough.
Santini: (irritated) You know if you two clowns do some towing I might win the B group.
BObbie: (some fun at last) Ai? How far you reckon the first peloton is?
Santini: (you not serious) I'd say just before Sedgefield.
BObbie: (er...) Me no think me is that strong, maybe with Papa, Diniki, Gaatie, Waala, Lolly and Tallie here we can do it...
Santini: (huh) What?
Lani: (committing) All right, all right, we will use that climb coming up to see if we can get to the 2nd peloton first.
And by the TIME they arrived at the top, the BOys are now in the 2nd peloton with Santini, but the first peloton of probably around 30 strong is out of sight.
No matter, soon the BOys are about 5km before the final climb, BObbie pushing old ladies at the back had his chain came off and is forced to pull over.
BObbie: (save me, save me) Lani, Lani, help!!!
All BObbie got was a tool bag smacking him in the groin...
Angered, OK, not so much, but hungry, BObbie put the chain back on and started the chase. It took a while, but BObbie eventually dropped everyone he sees in sight, passed Santini leading the 2nd peloton and caught the Lani right at the top of the climb. As they begin their descend, Santini caught up with them.
As they riding along the beach towards the finish, a couple of guys jumped in on the mini train, BObbie, Santini and a girl rotated up front to keep the little group going until a Not Very Nice Guy in black who has been sitting in the group jumped the group for a sprint win to basically, yep, noBOdy cares placing. This is not on by B.O. standards. No matter, BObbie jumped him, sat his wheels for a bit and den put him in the gutters whilst Lani & Santini rode to the finish line.
(BOd note: Gaatie and Waala remembers BObbie for doing this at Tour Durban too, what a gutter feeder...)
A bit costly, but the food, the riding, the hospitality, the scenarios, the vibe was definitely worth while for a B.O. Tour. Except for dem kiddies, those damn Knysna kiddies who shamed BObbie on a bike, the whole lot of them...
Oh, and the beach...
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