The Donkey Diary - Sani2C Day Three

(BOd note: those who writes for a living will understand the pressure of a deadline, your brains blanks out, your fingers types meaningless sentences and your grammar is basically gibberish. And the irritating editor constantly on the phone demanding your piece. Let's just say this editor went out of his way to get you, the 2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans this piece from the Donkey. It was, let's just say, not pleasant...)

We woke on Day Three a little later than the previous days as the distance and profile was little less demanding and all teams should have no problem finishing in time. Even The Massive were expected to come in by lunchtime… And after a slightly slower day 2 we had now dropped back to group B in 66th position over all. The Massive had also dropped back after Day Two slightly to, if I can quote Le Tour, le gruppetto.

This still to be confirmed, but watching the highlights on the TV the other day I believe Heavy D was filmed in the queue wearing his bright yellow jacket mere seconds before the morning ritual (Tubs: (snickers) No photo no proof, I am the only constipated one here...). We shared breakfast with some friendly people, grabbed the bikes and off to the start line. Day Three is marked by the widest variety en route. From flat fast and boring dirt road to narrow over grown Goatie (BOd note: He meant bushy) downhill single track with cliffs and landslides from the rain. The route also takes you from the cold shades of pine forests in the morning to the nature reserve with its sandy climbs under the scorching sun   at the end of your journey.

It was in a pine forest that the wear-and-tear on the bikes and riders started to show. My rear derailleur stopped working and Heavy D confessed to me he was wearing a condom (BOd note: anyone who is interested in the full derailleur story please leave a comment and your email address, the Donkey will respond in kind...). The publishable version is that the river crossing from Day Two had taken their toll and things were just not working the way they should. A bit of lube and a lot of standing around staring solved the problem.

(BObbie: (still don't get it) But why would you be carrying a condom in the first place, oh wait, never mind..... "TENTING!!!")

Heavy D on the other hand, had been complaining the night before that the chafing was starting to become a bit of a problem (BOd note: yes, yes, we know, we know, like BObbie said, "tenting!!!"). The nipples initially (BOd note: raaight, if you are still a virgin, stop reading now and go do your homework!), from the bib shorts (BOd note: TMI alert, TMI alert!), and then also his gentleman sausage, from … well your guess is as good as mine. The result? He's now riding a bike wearing a condom (BOd note: the morale of this story, 1. no need to leave a request, 2. never, ever, let Dinks know your secrets...). The bazaar part of the story only came at the end when it had gone missing (BOd note: I said go do your home work!!!). Jas is convinced that it slipped off, went round the back and lodged up somewhere going over one of the humps. I think Heavy D would have been flying around in a “hot air balloon” by now if that was the case. But yeah, accordingly, it’s just gone (BObbie: (hinting) Anybody checked the rear derailleur?)!

Anyway, back to the race (2785 faithful, loyal and rabid parents breathing signs of relieve...). After covering the mechanical(s) we rode hard and climbed our way back to hopefully make up some lost TIME. Before I could stop him, Heavy D started complaining again. Apparently it's the bike this TIME. The brakes now are acting up. They work most of the time and disappears every now and then (BObbie: (suggesting) maybe something got caught in it?). 

Anyway!!! We are now riding along nicely making good time on a dirt road. There was a sign indicating a right turn up ahead with some spectators around. We came in a bit fast for what turned out to be a hairpin bend followed by a slope down to a road a few meters lower than the level we were on. I thought it was kinda fun so for me it was fast, fast, fast, break late, turn in, sit up and let the bike roll down, drop gear and go. Heavy D, well… the brakes you see, he really could have used some there. So for Heavy D it went fast, fast, fast, brake late... BRAKE!!! BRAKE!!! CRAP!!! Front brake!!! Almost over the edge!!! Wish he had that condom up his you know where right now!!! After some careful inspection (BOd note: No, I don't think it's where you think it is, raaight? raaight?) we see now one of the spokes had broke off, swung around and lodged in between the brake callipers so when he brakes it gripped the spoke and not the disk resulting in zero stopping power. No jokes, this was a 3 or 4 meter drop if he didn’t go for the front break when he did (BObbie: (still confused) So... what about them condoms?)

Next we faced the Vernon Croux Nature Reserve. I’m not really sure where it starts or ends, but I know this. There is a big ass climb in a field somewhere. I say field because there isn’t really a track. It probably used to be one, but it eroded away leaving this deep sandy trench with patches of grass in between to ride on. It’s not very long, but its steep. About 50% of the riders walks up. Last year I was a walker, but this year I came prepared. That’s right, I was wearing my big girl panties and I rode up (BObbie: (curious) So when you mean big girl panties did you mean...). 

We then rode along the escarpment for a while. You get this growing feeling that something bad was coming. It took a while and some distance on the high flats, but when it hit you know this is what your spidy sense have been feeling. You drop a total of 800m on Day Three and most of it is done right here. In the thick growth where it’s very damp and the ample rain the past week washed away large sections of the already narrow track, you pick up quite a bit of speed in places and it’s best not to look around too much (BOd note: yep, that "thud" was BObbie fainting, what a "beep"...). As you fly past you catch glimpses of these trenches that washed away. Somehow the chevron tape around it makes you feel safe, but afterwards you wonder how that was ever going to stop you from falling, in places. Up to 15 meters deep one of them trenches. About two thirds down this not really a trail is the only time in the race that I ever looked forward to some up hills. The bumpiness and intense concentration got the better of me and I was begging for it to end.

By the end of this we were now virtually down to sea level with 15km to go to the finish. Most of which would be new to everyone as it was added this year to replace the previous section that Farmer Glen considered too boring. I can’t remember from last year, so I have to take his word for it. I didn’t like the last 15km very much however. It was rolling hills and surfaces that were not very forgiving. About 10km out there was a track made of little loose grey stones like you would find being mixed into a cement foundation at a construction site that I found particularly disturbing. Very little traction and lots of sideways movement. After that you rode along the highway and saw a sign indicating 8km to Scottburgh. Many told stories of this sign and what it signifies… could it be?!! Heavy D stopped to check the camera, it was on, pointing forward and recording. This is it. The long anticipated floating bridge on the sea!!!

On the approach it looks ok. Wide enough, very little movement, seems solid, should be ok or so you think. Once on the bridge it's a very different story. Its solid all right, but made of plastic blocks that clips in together. Two of these blocks make up the width of the bridge which means that the middle where you want to be riding is the joint between the blocks. Not how you wanna ride. Second, it's about 25cm high out of the water and very light so the wind moves it around at will. This together with the slow movement of the currents in the lagoon, had the bridge doing Dancing with the Stars. I have never concentrated so hard to ride in a straight line in my life. 

The first few hundred meter it curves like a snake in the lagoon and ends with a bail out point just before you go onto the beach. You are warned that the bailout is longer and slower and the unwritten rule is that all real men stay on the bridge anyway. So we stayed! Next thing you break out of the shelter from the lagoon and get smacks of the full force wind coming from the sea. I almost lost it there, but fortunately for me and unfortunately for the video Heavy D was trying to make behind me, we stayed dry (EveryBOdy: (disappointed) Damn!). You then cut across the bay and luckily for us it was low tide and the bridge was on the ground. I did see videos later of people who caught it at high tide who had to contend with the waves and lost the battle. Anyway, Off the bridge we go and onto the grass, up the bank and over the line screaming. That was a Exhilarating as they come!

We collected medals, ate some more Nandos and went for a swim in the sea. That was Sani2C 2013 and it was fantastic! All of the problems from 2012 forgotten. Time 14h25.

We sat on the bank hoping to see people bail on the bridge, but not many did (EveryBOdy: (disappointed) Damn!). The Massive soon rolled in as well. We discussed the day, the awesomeness and the fact that it was over as we watched more riders finish. The only thing left now was the uncomfortable chat with the bike shop about the cost of the service these beasts needed after the punishment we put them though.

P.S a special thanks goes out to the supports club (E and Angry H) arrived that night on a flight from JHB to join us for a weekend of R&R in Uhmlaga. A man can only share a tent with another man for so long before he needs some Ection!

(BOd note: BObbie let out a loud scream of "TENTING!!!")

Dinki typed his diaries on an iPad... BOditor has no idea how that is possible...