The Hunt for the Fatties - Dischem Ride for Sight 2013

The B.O.'s are divided. Yes, for those of you who are jealous of the camaraderie, the friendly bantering and the all for one and one for all ways they have displayed on this very blog, they are without a shadow of doubt, a divided community.

On the one side you have the dedicated, motivated, disciplined and thinned out tweeners of Gaatie, Tallie, Papa, Punda, Taggie, Katy, Stache, and Dev1, who cares what they eat, how many hours they sleep and miles they accumulate.

On the other side though, mentioning the very names of these B.O.'s makes you feel bloated like a twinkie. Crap, BObbie, Waala, BOatie, Tubby, Dinki, roBOcop, Lani and Lolly (BOd: Lolly strenuously insist he belongs to the healthy thinners, but they don't want him), who cares what they eat, how much they eat, how many hours they sleep on a couch, how cold it is, how dark it is and how wet it gets.

Needless to say, the conflicts is real.

To resolve their differences, the few that are attending the Dischem Ride for Sight race decided to turn to their life mentoring video Top Gear for a solution and as always, Top Gear delivers. It's then decided since the wire pullers of Gaatie, Papa, Dinki and Stache are faster riders, they'd be chasing the overly healthier lots of BObbie, Waala and Tubbie. Losers to adopt the winner's diet for a week.

(BOd note: Yes, yes, we know Dinki is not really a wire puller, just hold ju horses...)

Not willing to eat steamed veges, Tubs decided to steal the race and jumped in onto VB and rode off... Yes, yes, not very smart. The VB's are not a friendly bunch, they spit him out and trampled all over him, then left him for dead on his own. Poor Tubs is now desperately trying to avoid Stache who jumped onto the AL wagon to hunt for the Tubbie.

Back in the starting cages, Waala & BObbie are loading up in CL.

BObbie: (curious) Why are your bananas bigger than mine? I swap my muffins for your bananas?
Waala: (matter of factly) Not a good deal, but if you add in some of those dumplings, I will consider.
BObbie: (negotiating) No way you touch my dumplings, I tell you what, let me a bite of your banana, if they sweet enough, I throw in a croissant.
Waala: (obliged like a dead fish) Hey, what the heck, that's a huge bite!!! What you mean they not sweet enough?!!! Give me that croissant you roast pork!!!

At the VIP cage, Gaatie & Papa is full of confidence.

Papa: (strategizing) We might be two groups behind, but there are some fast okes in VIP and we have the added weight of the Dinki who is half a man!
Gaatie: (know the BObbie too well) I not so sure why BObbie gave us the Dinki so willingly, I not like this. I am not eating Lays for a week.
Dinki: (burps, farts, and then scratches his arse) Burp...
Papa: (swallowing) Let me just take some pills, new Dev said it takes way too long for it to take effect with me.

(E.: (disgusted) Eew, Dinki, I thought you a gentleman!!!)
(Dinki: (pleased with his burps) You don't know the half of it!!!)

Up front, Tubs is letting the wind wiping the tears of his chubby cheeks... Stache is closing in...

Back at the start line, CL is released, Waala & BObbie snugged comfortably into the peloton and rode off. Since the first half the route is pretty much down hill, the pack remained large and the road narrow, two crashes before they hit the half way mark.

And as soon as the VIP's were released, the wire pullers got low on their bars and focused. They had to overlap DL to get to those fatties.

Right up front, Tubbie got steam rolled by the Stache, seafood pasta will be without the cream...

Around the 60km mark where the first climbs rises on the horizon, BObbie closed in on the Waala to check on him only to find out the Waala already ate his rations and is running on empty and LOOKing for more. BObbie pretended he didn't know the Waala so he didn't have to share his food and left the Waala for a dead fish.

Not too far back, Gaatie & Papa FELT conned.

Papa: (WTF) Dinki, I thought ju half a man?!!! Put down the hammer, I am not eating twinkies for breakfast!!!
Dinki: (mushroomed) LOOK, the last TIME I rode was definitely not anything with two wheels...
Gaat: (I knew it) 'Eff that BObbie, he conned us! Zies Dinki, he's full sized!!! Is not what we ordered!!!

With the Dinki blowing apart, Gaat & Papa had no choice but HTFU with the angry VIP breakaway group...

At the finish, Stache is measuring the portion of his protein shake carefully, millimetre by millimetre. Kilometres away, Tubs thought he saw a Mickey D.

BObbie now survived the 4th crash and just managed to hang onto the peloton out of Heidelberg. He swears he could smell Biogen coming. The front of CL now bumps into several BL leftovers and looked like a Waala Peloton, except with the wind, the speed drops. BObbie not wanting to eat avo with raw eggs tried to tow the peloton, for about 0.8 seconds.

Not far off the VIP breakaways with Gaat and Papa grinding has now passed DL.

BObbie now just turned left passing Carnival City, he quickly swears at Lani & BOatie before getting dropped off the first peloton of CL.

Crash at the VIP!!! Gaatie survived but didn't manag to hang onto the VIP breakaway, Papa is left in the open with the wind. KFC for brunch.

5km left, VIP breakaway caught BObbie and the second peloton of the CL, no signs of the Gaat, BObbie swallows another Rennie, and a croissant, and a banana, and a yogurt, and a packet of lays, and a hamburger. He washes them down with a diet coke, apparently the BObbie don't like sugar.

Victory!!! No boiled chicken for the BObbie. Gaat barely misses him at the finish. Donuts and vet koek awaits Gaat & Papa.