Anger Management - Stoneheaven 40km Race Report

April 18, 2011

After the “Choke Job” at Argus, Team BO returned home angry (not the kids, they returned home drunk). Although they were told that about 30000 people would rather have their time, the team knew they didn’t achieve what they aimed for. Panda started training furiously, often times putting 200km on the clock in a day. BOpa spent his Expense Account on a Superbike (the proven race winner Specialized SL3). Lani ducked into BOwife’s arms for comfort. BObbie ate a lot more and the Goat still hasn’t shaved.

Knowing this is not good for their psych, the team gathered and decided to go back to their root, the Stoneheaven 40km and slaughter some poor fun riders who still can’t ride on cleats for some soul searching. Not the Panda, he’s so angry he decided another 180km in the saddle was his soul searching. Not the Lani, he decided another BOwife’s hug was better than the Goat’s hairy arms.

No matter, the Goat, BOpa, Pitt, BObbie and the Applicants decided they need this.

(The Applicants are the affiliates of Team BO who has been applying to join the team. However, the move was blocked by BOpa and apparently based on racial reasons. Anyway, this is a matter we have to resolve a bit later. For now, it’s Appl. Lawless and Appl. Moustache).

Came Sunday morning, Goat and the Applicants leaving from another country pass the South to go to another country. On the west side, whilst BOpa was bitching about Pitt being a slow ass (meanwhile, Pitt was just following protocol. Yes, being late is protocol for Team BO), BObbie and Guest has been waiting in the cold.

Team BO used to be afraid to go to the Deep South (BOtall had to hold their hands before). Not anymore. With the Applicants on board, the Southers were afraid of them.

And because of the Guest, Team BO all behaved politely and paid for the race (watching BOpa behaving extra politely was just too funny). Of course, the Goat was not happy about this. Anyway, Team BO gathered for strategy.

Goat: (Determined) We ride our ass of and claim 1-2-3!!!

BObbie: (Disagrees) All you do is ride your teammies off and claim a COD award!

BOpa: (Chipping in) Did you guys see my new super bike?

Pitt: (Raised his hand) Can I suggest something?

Team BO seniors: (Together) NO!

The Applicants: (Tries to be part of the team) Er…

Team BO seniors: (Together) NO!

Anyhow, it is agreed that the Goat, BOpa and Pitt will ride smart and finish a 1-2-3. The Applicants will hold the peloton back. BObbie will act as Race Manager from the back.

As usual, when the gun went off, Team BO went off fast & stupid. Every eager palooka jumped on their rear wheel. BObbie at the back is shouting at the radio.

BObbie: (Freaking out) What are you guys doing, you just need to win this, you not even being timed?!!!

The Applicants (Totally confused): But we are riding slow?

BObbie: (Lost it) NOT THE TWO OF YOU!!!

The Applicants: Oh…

Team BO (Taking radio off a la Cuntador): Faak BObbie, let’s kill dem all!!!

Pretty soon, Team BO was out of radio range. Only two tandem guys managed to work with them. The Goat who is riding angrily after the loop turn soon bumped into the fuming BObbie and his guest.

BObbie: (Fuming) What are you doing?!!!

Goat: (Pretended he doesn’t know BObbie).

BOpa: (Hanging on toight and can’t speak).

Pitt: (Thinking to himself) Bunch of grumpy grandpas…

Regardless, Team BO soon reached the climb before the finish where it separate boys from bullies. Goat ordered an attack and Pitt faked one, leading the tandems into the bushes, leaving the Goat and BOpa gunning for the finish.

For Sponsorship reasons, BOpa hit hard on his brand spanking new super bike and just missed the Goat for the 1. Pitt after finishing the tandems in the bushes came in at 3.

The Applicants rolled in soon after.

BObbie then crossed the line with the Guest who completed her first race in an amazing 27km/h average considering she have had only 2 training ride before and never once complained and came in before 60% of the field.

With their anger released (well, OK, not BObbie’s), the team went to Wimpy’s for brunch. The team ate some really unhealthy meal and made so much noise that the children sitting next to them all started crying.