The Emperors
Back in the days the word Emperor had meaning. It was a title that is larger than Kings and its rules far broader than that of a kingdom. The word brought a sense of admiration and awe. It offers only the best and the most. But Alas, time flies by. The old empires collapse and fades, it's former glory is nothing but shadows and dust, backgrounds for poets and writers, only a legacy remains.
BOic: Er... where's Langer?
BOlani: Where's Aaron?
BOpa: Where's Bionic Racing Team?
BOnold: Where's BOrabia?
BOwhale: Where's my tuna?
Crap: Where's Katy?
BObbie: Where's the toilet?
Yep, the bests, the bestests, the most bestests are at P.E. being conned by the ever efficient CSA into one of the uber screw ups that is called S.A. Champs. Starting at 07h00, racing in circuits around the city of Port Elizabeth, on a Friday.
BObbie: Er... what about traffic?
Yep, if fat BObbie can ask that out of his donut filled brain, you know CSA would quickly during the start, delay the event, change the route and announce it's for the safety of the cyclists.
BOic: Er... you mean you couldn't think of that whilst arranging it?
Yep, that's coming from a goat who chews grass with his mouth open.
BOlani: F@@king A, let's slaughter zies idiots!!!
Not for missing opportunities, BOic, BOlani, BOwhale & BOpa lined up at group A, stared down fellow competitors, dusted down the "Doggy" and the "Black Sabbath" and ready to claim the Emperor's throne.
BOnold who knew better, lined up at C.
Bladder was in no hurry, he is sick but needed to time himself and had to restrict himself at H.
Crap eventually showed up with BObbie's bike.
BObbie: Come Crap, I am gonna miss my start.
Crap: Er... no, ju are gonna ride with me.
BObbie: But crap...
Crap: No buts, we start in D. Ju gonna tow me to a D Group win, ja?
BObbie: *#&@^#@(#@%&*&#^&(@*#^@*#...
Anyway, whilst Team BO dreams about a win in the not so A A group, the A bunch sprinted out of the gate. BOic who usually makes a run at the front of the peloton immediately made a run to no where. The A bunch despite without it's elite riders are nothing like his team mates where he can bully and toss like a used condom. They immediately attempted to shake all the loser off and even hit 70km/h. at the back BOpa & BOlani holds onto their handle bars and peddled as if there mothers are chasing them. BOwhale flapped his fins.
Back at the C bunch, BOnold gently rolled out of the gate.
Even further back at the D bunch, because Crap wanted to put on his make ups, they can only get to the rear end of D. Crap made BObbie work his fat butt off and they eventually got to the second peloton.
Up at A BOic's tongue is hanging out of his mouth slipping from side to side. BOlani looked like a rabid dog with white foams all over his lips. BOpa dried out like a dry wors. BOwhale flapped his fins.
Somewhere in the C bunch's leading peloton, BOnold opened a bottle of champagne.
With a headwind and about a km out, BObbie didn't think he could tow the crap to the leading D peloton and decided to settle in the 2nd peloton. Unwillingly, he had to navigate around the peloton and make sure the Crap is covered. pretty soon he sees the peloton whilst traveling around 45km/h is loosing concentration.
BObbie: Crap, we better get up front.
Crap: No, no, I only enter from behind.
BObbie: Er... I meant we need to be closer to the front to avoid crashes.
Crap: Oh, I though you were talking about sex.
BObbie: $%@*&#^@^#@*#^(@*&#(@#...
Not long after BObbie & Crap squeezed their way upfront a girl fell asleep and lost control inside the peloton. This caused a massive crash of about 8 riders. BObbie on the out skirt rode out and signaled the Crap who followed his lines. In front of them a few riders also rode out to avoid the crash. BObbie immediately knew one of them was in trouble. Instead of focusing on the road he was watchign the crash, side ways. BObbie watched his handle bar turned inward and shouted "Crash on right!" before the idiot took himself out. About 20 riders escaped ahead with BObbie & Crap in it.
Up in A the Team negotiated through "tax payer's money wasted holes" and arrived at "men to boys" stretch. A bunch immediately sprinted up there. BOic usually ladiladida'ed up hills is surprisingly quiet. BOlani yapped twice and bid zie Goat farewell. But then, where's BOpa?
BOpa found himself with punctures. Cooly and calmly, he signaled the bunch, glide his way to the side of the road, knowing every second counts, pulls out his spares and #@&*#(^*@#&%^(*@#&@*. Yes, BOpa might be cool, his spares, not so much. But BOpa, he's resourceful, he pulled out the condom he kept from last night and ##%@(#^@*&#(@#^&%&. Yes, the lady or man in question, punctured his spare. Luckily, a sweep vehicle was nearby.
BOpa: Hey you, take me up to the lead peloton so I can get a condom from my team mate.
Red neck driver: But's that's cheating?
BOpa: I am a darkie, you are white.
Red neck driver: Hey, hey, no problem, just don't pull colour on me, ja?
The sweep vehicle eventually caught up with BOlani who now is sitting behind the racing tandems.
BOpa: Lani, Lani, I need a tube!!!
BOlani: (pretends he does not know him as he doesn't want suspicious looks regarding his sexuality).
BOpa: Lani, you bitch!!!
BOlani: (turning to a tandem couple), Who is he shouting at?
Whilst BOpa drove away with the truck to get some spares, Lani was told to get the f@@k out of the Racing Tandems' peloton.
BOlani: What the heck? BOic chewned me he did this at Telkom?!!!
BOnold by now is drunk.
At the back, D peloton also arrived at "men to boys" hill. BObbie acted like BOic and ladida'ed up whilst the Crap mushroomed. Crap imagined he told BObbie heroically to go ahead without him, he will slow the D peloton down so BObbie can get away with his last breath.
BObbie: Er... Crap, everyone is gone, is just ju & me left, at the back.
Crap: Oh...
Whilst BObbie shouted every possible words of encouragement he can muster whilst towing the Crap, the Crap loudly complained.
"I can't go on anymore."
"Why do I do this to myself?"
"Oh, for heaven's sake give me a pillow!"
"Oh lord, when will this end?"
"Oh, who invited Boic?"
The two suffering team mated eventually arrived at a little town where a family came out to support the cyclists. To BObbie's delight, a extremely cute and young girl were cheering them on. BObbie immediately got out of his saddle, flexed his muscles and urged the Crap to do the same. the Crap immediately fell off the bike and puked on the pretty girl.
The long & torturous road continues for the two until once again the crap broke down on the side of the road. Whilst BObbie counting on groups passing by, along came the H peloton, and the Bladder.
Bladder: Ja, ju will LERN!!!
The suffering continued. Physical, intolerable pain for the Crap and mental, intolerable whining for BObbie. Finally they crossed the line to their already bored out of their socks team mates.
BOic, who kept quiet and sat inside the peloton established his best result ever, 2h29.
BOlani, who refused to help his teammate had a 2h52.
BOpa, who should have checked his piece finished with a 2h55.
BOnold, who got drunk halfway, wobbled in with a 2h51.
Crap, who was still in pain, again lead from behind, 3h35.
Bladder, with his first recorded race in S.A., 3h11.
And no we did not forget, but BObbie, BOwhale, Katy, BOrabia officially, never attended the race.
Next up, Discum. 116km. BOnold said he is ready!!!
BOic: Er... where's Langer?
BOlani: Where's Aaron?
BOpa: Where's Bionic Racing Team?
BOnold: Where's BOrabia?
BOwhale: Where's my tuna?
Crap: Where's Katy?
BObbie: Where's the toilet?
Yep, the bests, the bestests, the most bestests are at P.E. being conned by the ever efficient CSA into one of the uber screw ups that is called S.A. Champs. Starting at 07h00, racing in circuits around the city of Port Elizabeth, on a Friday.
BObbie: Er... what about traffic?
Yep, if fat BObbie can ask that out of his donut filled brain, you know CSA would quickly during the start, delay the event, change the route and announce it's for the safety of the cyclists.
BOic: Er... you mean you couldn't think of that whilst arranging it?
Yep, that's coming from a goat who chews grass with his mouth open.
BOlani: F@@king A, let's slaughter zies idiots!!!
Not for missing opportunities, BOic, BOlani, BOwhale & BOpa lined up at group A, stared down fellow competitors, dusted down the "Doggy" and the "Black Sabbath" and ready to claim the Emperor's throne.
BOnold who knew better, lined up at C.
Bladder was in no hurry, he is sick but needed to time himself and had to restrict himself at H.
Crap eventually showed up with BObbie's bike.
BObbie: Come Crap, I am gonna miss my start.
Crap: Er... no, ju are gonna ride with me.
BObbie: But crap...
Crap: No buts, we start in D. Ju gonna tow me to a D Group win, ja?
BObbie: *#&@^#@(#@%&*&#^&(@*#^@*#...
Anyway, whilst Team BO dreams about a win in the not so A A group, the A bunch sprinted out of the gate. BOic who usually makes a run at the front of the peloton immediately made a run to no where. The A bunch despite without it's elite riders are nothing like his team mates where he can bully and toss like a used condom. They immediately attempted to shake all the loser off and even hit 70km/h. at the back BOpa & BOlani holds onto their handle bars and peddled as if there mothers are chasing them. BOwhale flapped his fins.
Back at the C bunch, BOnold gently rolled out of the gate.
Even further back at the D bunch, because Crap wanted to put on his make ups, they can only get to the rear end of D. Crap made BObbie work his fat butt off and they eventually got to the second peloton.
Up at A BOic's tongue is hanging out of his mouth slipping from side to side. BOlani looked like a rabid dog with white foams all over his lips. BOpa dried out like a dry wors. BOwhale flapped his fins.
Somewhere in the C bunch's leading peloton, BOnold opened a bottle of champagne.
With a headwind and about a km out, BObbie didn't think he could tow the crap to the leading D peloton and decided to settle in the 2nd peloton. Unwillingly, he had to navigate around the peloton and make sure the Crap is covered. pretty soon he sees the peloton whilst traveling around 45km/h is loosing concentration.
BObbie: Crap, we better get up front.
Crap: No, no, I only enter from behind.
BObbie: Er... I meant we need to be closer to the front to avoid crashes.
Crap: Oh, I though you were talking about sex.
BObbie: $%@*&#^@^#@*#^(@*&#(@#...
Not long after BObbie & Crap squeezed their way upfront a girl fell asleep and lost control inside the peloton. This caused a massive crash of about 8 riders. BObbie on the out skirt rode out and signaled the Crap who followed his lines. In front of them a few riders also rode out to avoid the crash. BObbie immediately knew one of them was in trouble. Instead of focusing on the road he was watchign the crash, side ways. BObbie watched his handle bar turned inward and shouted "Crash on right!" before the idiot took himself out. About 20 riders escaped ahead with BObbie & Crap in it.
Up in A the Team negotiated through "tax payer's money wasted holes" and arrived at "men to boys" stretch. A bunch immediately sprinted up there. BOic usually ladiladida'ed up hills is surprisingly quiet. BOlani yapped twice and bid zie Goat farewell. But then, where's BOpa?
BOpa found himself with punctures. Cooly and calmly, he signaled the bunch, glide his way to the side of the road, knowing every second counts, pulls out his spares and #@&*#(^*@#&%^(*@#&@*. Yes, BOpa might be cool, his spares, not so much. But BOpa, he's resourceful, he pulled out the condom he kept from last night and ##%@(#^@*&#(@#^&%&. Yes, the lady or man in question, punctured his spare. Luckily, a sweep vehicle was nearby.
BOpa: Hey you, take me up to the lead peloton so I can get a condom from my team mate.
Red neck driver: But's that's cheating?
BOpa: I am a darkie, you are white.
Red neck driver: Hey, hey, no problem, just don't pull colour on me, ja?
The sweep vehicle eventually caught up with BOlani who now is sitting behind the racing tandems.
BOpa: Lani, Lani, I need a tube!!!
BOlani: (pretends he does not know him as he doesn't want suspicious looks regarding his sexuality).
BOpa: Lani, you bitch!!!
BOlani: (turning to a tandem couple), Who is he shouting at?
Whilst BOpa drove away with the truck to get some spares, Lani was told to get the f@@k out of the Racing Tandems' peloton.
BOlani: What the heck? BOic chewned me he did this at Telkom?!!!
BOnold by now is drunk.
At the back, D peloton also arrived at "men to boys" hill. BObbie acted like BOic and ladida'ed up whilst the Crap mushroomed. Crap imagined he told BObbie heroically to go ahead without him, he will slow the D peloton down so BObbie can get away with his last breath.
BObbie: Er... Crap, everyone is gone, is just ju & me left, at the back.
Crap: Oh...
Whilst BObbie shouted every possible words of encouragement he can muster whilst towing the Crap, the Crap loudly complained.
"I can't go on anymore."
"Why do I do this to myself?"
"Oh, for heaven's sake give me a pillow!"
"Oh lord, when will this end?"
"Oh, who invited Boic?"
The two suffering team mated eventually arrived at a little town where a family came out to support the cyclists. To BObbie's delight, a extremely cute and young girl were cheering them on. BObbie immediately got out of his saddle, flexed his muscles and urged the Crap to do the same. the Crap immediately fell off the bike and puked on the pretty girl.
The long & torturous road continues for the two until once again the crap broke down on the side of the road. Whilst BObbie counting on groups passing by, along came the H peloton, and the Bladder.
Bladder: Ja, ju will LERN!!!
The suffering continued. Physical, intolerable pain for the Crap and mental, intolerable whining for BObbie. Finally they crossed the line to their already bored out of their socks team mates.
BOic, who kept quiet and sat inside the peloton established his best result ever, 2h29.
BOlani, who refused to help his teammate had a 2h52.
BOpa, who should have checked his piece finished with a 2h55.
BOnold, who got drunk halfway, wobbled in with a 2h51.
Crap, who was still in pain, again lead from behind, 3h35.
Bladder, with his first recorded race in S.A., 3h11.
And no we did not forget, but BObbie, BOwhale, Katy, BOrabia officially, never attended the race.
Next up, Discum. 116km. BOnold said he is ready!!!
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