All for One and Nothing for You...
And the end of winter nears...
So is the infamous D2D, a race held when spring opens, when most of us are still hibernating, when you body are still bulking up to keep warm, when you think couching is an exercise, when you are actually watching reality TV, when you actually eating 5 meals a day in double portion, when you use and swallow words like Lays, KFC, MickeyD and when you absolutely are not prepared.
Well, here at Team B.O., we never do anything prepared...
Anyway...
It's been a rather tame winter and teamies decided to brave the warm and start their training early. Serious preparations is required. Donkey fearing he will loose the animal within, decided to invest in a brand spanking new pair of Bontragers (Ed. note: yep, arms race is now hitting accessories...).
Team B.O. Stylist: (thank lord) Now that you have ditched the mountain bike cleats for Speedplay and Bontragers, let's do something about that helmet and that Camelbak?
Donkey: (how dare you) I am a mountain biker, I am!!!
Mountain bikers everywhere: (applauds, whistles and cheers) Ja, but that helmet needs to go...
Taggie, not to be left behind (Ed. note: quickly becoming a B.O. tradition) after his Black Sabbath reckoning, kicked in with a pair of Specialized.
Taggie: (one eye squinting at Donkey) I, am, Specialized...
Papa: (enraged and smacking Taggie with a new Specialized helmet) I am the only one that's fully loaded, I mean Specialized!!!
2785 rabid and loyal fans: (enough already!!!) AnyBOdy specialized enough being paid to ride?
Raaight... moving on...
BOmie's objection ignored...
Back to what's important...
Since most B.O.'s prefer short and soft, the plan was to have Papa & Goatie go long and hard on their own. Let the angry riders ride angry someBOdy said. But no... the Goatie, eff zies Goatie, now the Papa decided to rock up at the short and soft to make it long and hard.
So the day begins with...
Tallie: (#$@%#$@&#^) My wheel hub is loose and my brakes are not working!!!
Tallie: (#$@&#^@) Push BObbie!!! Push harder!!!
Tallie: (#$@%*#&@#@) OMG!!! BObbie, tighten, tighten!!!
Tallie: (#%@$&^#) It came off BObbie!!! I knew this was gonna happen!!! Damn't!!!
Taggie: (concerned, but not that concerned) Should I be concerned?
Tallie: (#%@&*^#@@) Why don't you get off the Black Sabbath, cheater?!!!
Anyway, we are moving... Lani, Donkey, Lolly, Taggie, Tallie, BObbie and RoBOcop followed Papa onto the road. And since the Lani is here... you just know exactly where this ride is going to... yep, Kak Hill.
And kak it smells. Teamies decided to get out of the saddle and get the kak out of that kak hole...
Papa lead the way by getting out off his saddle and sprinted towards the top, everyBOdy follows... well... until...
Donkey: (#@##$@&%^) WTF?!!! This is an almost brand new Ultegra chain?!!! It just snaps?!!!
Papa: (Sram lover) This would never happened with Shitram.
BObbie: (snickers) Raaight, the chain only slips...
Lani: (how dare you) Shitram don't slip, they...
BObbie: (interrupts) ja, raaight, and your chain was hanging on your front deraileur on Ontdekkers because you used olive oil?
Goat: (not even there) I used extra virgin olive oil!!!
Lolly: (perhaps) Donkey probably didn't buy genuine Shitmano parts...
BObbie: (snickering) I weigh like a truck and you don't' see my Campagnolo chain snapping or slipping...
Tallie: (snickers right back) ja raaight, Crampagnolo...
Goat: (he really isn't here) You watch your mouth!!!
Donkey: (enough) Can we get back to me please...
Out of nowhere, Lani appears with a set of pliers.
Donkey: (amazed) How the hell did you get those pliers?
Lani: (no matter) Well, if they start chasing, you will have to do some explaining...
Lani the self proclaimed BOchanic did something with Donkey's Shitmano chain and off they go... for about 22m...
Lani: (explaining) These Shitmanos, I personally rides Campagnolo...
Tallie: (bitter) Crampagnolo...
Goat: (we assure you he's not here) You watch your mouth!!!
Anyway, Lani did something with Donkey's Shitmano chain again... This time they made it out of the Kak Hill Industrial Park and the Robert Boom intersection before Donkey free wheeled, again. Not before they sold the pliers for some profits though.
Donkey: (heroic) You guys go, go without me, tell my kids I love them!!!
RoBOcop: (huh) I have grandchildren?
But this is Team B.O.! We leave no man behind!
With a heart filled with appreciation, Donkey wiped off some men tears and pretended to pedal whilst his teamies...
Teamies: (WTF) Holy crap Donkey, what have you been eating, You weigh like a Whale!!! My arms hurt!!! It's like pushing that BObbie... (silence)... BObbie?!!! Are you effing hanging on Donkey's pocket?!!!!!
Eventually the teamies made it to Key West Shopping Center where everyBOdy has a sore arm. Lani decided to call the Taliban. Yes, we might not have a team car, but we stick to our teamies and eventually help will come!
Fixed!!! Taliban is the best!!! Anyway, here at Team B.O. we are hardcore. Now that the bike is repaired, we must continue our journey!
Donkey: (not an eff!!!) I am not touching my white shoes with my greasy hand!!!
Papa is the best!!! With Donkey's shoes on, Teamies continue their training...
Oh well, maybe the teamies never got any training done... but now you know why they are always teamies...
So is the infamous D2D, a race held when spring opens, when most of us are still hibernating, when you body are still bulking up to keep warm, when you think couching is an exercise, when you are actually watching reality TV, when you actually eating 5 meals a day in double portion, when you use and swallow words like Lays, KFC, MickeyD and when you absolutely are not prepared.
Well, here at Team B.O., we never do anything prepared...
Anyway...
It's been a rather tame winter and teamies decided to brave the warm and start their training early. Serious preparations is required. Donkey fearing he will loose the animal within, decided to invest in a brand spanking new pair of Bontragers (Ed. note: yep, arms race is now hitting accessories...).
Team B.O. Stylist: (thank lord) Now that you have ditched the mountain bike cleats for Speedplay and Bontragers, let's do something about that helmet and that Camelbak?
Donkey: (how dare you) I am a mountain biker, I am!!!
Mountain bikers everywhere: (applauds, whistles and cheers) Ja, but that helmet needs to go...
Taggie, not to be left behind (Ed. note: quickly becoming a B.O. tradition) after his Black Sabbath reckoning, kicked in with a pair of Specialized.
Taggie: (one eye squinting at Donkey) I, am, Specialized...
Papa: (enraged and smacking Taggie with a new Specialized helmet) I am the only one that's fully loaded, I mean Specialized!!!
2785 rabid and loyal fans: (enough already!!!) AnyBOdy specialized enough being paid to ride?
Raaight... moving on...
BOmie's objection ignored...
Back to what's important...
Since most B.O.'s prefer short and soft, the plan was to have Papa & Goatie go long and hard on their own. Let the angry riders ride angry someBOdy said. But no... the Goatie, eff zies Goatie, now the Papa decided to rock up at the short and soft to make it long and hard.
So the day begins with...
Tallie: (#$@%#$@&#^) My wheel hub is loose and my brakes are not working!!!
Tallie: (#$@&#^@) Push BObbie!!! Push harder!!!
Tallie: (#$@%*#&@#@) OMG!!! BObbie, tighten, tighten!!!
Tallie: (#%@$&^#) It came off BObbie!!! I knew this was gonna happen!!! Damn't!!!
Taggie: (concerned, but not that concerned) Should I be concerned?
Tallie: (#%@&*^#@@) Why don't you get off the Black Sabbath, cheater?!!!
Anyway, we are moving... Lani, Donkey, Lolly, Taggie, Tallie, BObbie and RoBOcop followed Papa onto the road. And since the Lani is here... you just know exactly where this ride is going to... yep, Kak Hill.
And kak it smells. Teamies decided to get out of the saddle and get the kak out of that kak hole...
Papa lead the way by getting out off his saddle and sprinted towards the top, everyBOdy follows... well... until...
Donkey: (#@##$@&%^) WTF?!!! This is an almost brand new Ultegra chain?!!! It just snaps?!!!
Papa: (Sram lover) This would never happened with Shitram.
BObbie: (snickers) Raaight, the chain only slips...
Lani: (how dare you) Shitram don't slip, they...
BObbie: (interrupts) ja, raaight, and your chain was hanging on your front deraileur on Ontdekkers because you used olive oil?
Goat: (not even there) I used extra virgin olive oil!!!
Lolly: (perhaps) Donkey probably didn't buy genuine Shitmano parts...
BObbie: (snickering) I weigh like a truck and you don't' see my Campagnolo chain snapping or slipping...
Tallie: (snickers right back) ja raaight, Crampagnolo...
Goat: (he really isn't here) You watch your mouth!!!
Donkey: (enough) Can we get back to me please...
Donkey bends for attention...
Out of nowhere, Lani appears with a set of pliers.
Donkey: (amazed) How the hell did you get those pliers?
Lani: (no matter) Well, if they start chasing, you will have to do some explaining...
Tallie wanted to wee wee...
Lani making sure camera was focused on him...
Den he chewns Donkey...
Den he shows Donkey...
Lani: (explaining) These Shitmanos, I personally rides Campagnolo...
Tallie: (bitter) Crampagnolo...
Goat: (we assure you he's not here) You watch your mouth!!!
Anyway, Lani did something with Donkey's Shitmano chain again... This time they made it out of the Kak Hill Industrial Park and the Robert Boom intersection before Donkey free wheeled, again. Not before they sold the pliers for some profits though.
Donkey: (heroic) You guys go, go without me, tell my kids I love them!!!
RoBOcop: (huh) I have grandchildren?
But this is Team B.O.! We leave no man behind!
Lolly the dometique captain barking orders to Lani to get in position as soon as Donkey attempts a run off...
Lani latched on! BObbie now gets into position!
BObbie latches... hang on, who has a bigger ass?
Taggie trying to get B.O. point by latching on, completely over shoots and get B.O. points deducted instead...
Teamies: (WTF) Holy crap Donkey, what have you been eating, You weigh like a Whale!!! My arms hurt!!! It's like pushing that BObbie... (silence)... BObbie?!!! Are you effing hanging on Donkey's pocket?!!!!!
Eventually the teamies made it to Key West Shopping Center where everyBOdy has a sore arm. Lani decided to call the Taliban. Yes, we might not have a team car, but we stick to our teamies and eventually help will come!
Fixed!!! Taliban is the best!!! Anyway, here at Team B.O. we are hardcore. Now that the bike is repaired, we must continue our journey!
Donkey: (not an eff!!!) I am not touching my white shoes with my greasy hand!!!
Papa is the best!!! With Donkey's shoes on, Teamies continue their training...
Oh well, maybe the teamies never got any training done... but now you know why they are always teamies...
Comments