Push & Pull - Fountains TTT (Team Femanimal Edition).
To save mother nature and planet Earth that we live on, Team BO “naturally” decided it would only be right if they hooked up and go to the race with as little vehicles as possible. BOtubby and Appl. 2 was to hook up with the Goat, Katy and Plug was to pick up ThemBO and BOpa would be waiting for Le Train and BObbie. East Randers was to go straight to the race and West Randers to meet at the BP on N1 at 06h30.
“Naturally”, Team BO had this arrangement done right. By the time BObbie arrived at the BP at 06h38 with his own car, BOpa was there with his own car, ThemBO (the only one who followed the arrangement) was there with Le Train and his car and Panda with his own car.
Katy: (SMSing) I am running late, sorry.
BObbie: (SMSing) Er… who isn’t?
Then the kids arrived in two separate vehicles. Evidently still bitter from the talk.
Anyhow, Team BO convoy got on the high way with Panda leading the way. Panda happily drove all over the road, literally. With the convoy following and swiveling all over, BOpa finally had enough and went ahead to tow.
And it was cold when they arrived at the race. Even Pitt needed extra clothing. Oh, and Goat, BOtubby & Appl. 2 all arrived with their own vehicles.
As the two teams gathered at the back of the Open Group, Team Masturbate because they are BOred (Herewith referred to TMB with Pitt, BOpa, Panda, Le Train, and Appl. 2) started trashing Team Female Animals (Herewith referred as Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong with Katy, Goat, BObbie, BOtubby and ThemBO).
TMB: (confident knowing they had the stronger team) Yada, yada, yada.
Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong: (not so confident knowing they are the weaker team) …..
And as they were released, immediately TMB took the lead with Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong tagging on behind. And as soon as the race continued onto the open road, TMB is now leading the peloton, with Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong 20m behind in another slower peloton.
Goat: (worried) Dude, shouldn’t we be in “that” peloton?!!!
BObbie: (calculating with iPhone) Just wait a bit, me thinks the pace is fast enough that there might be a split.
Goat: (confused) Dude, we doing 28km/h, nobody get dropped at this pace!!!
Just then, a Steam Train ran out of water and was fast back tracking. BObbie immediately called for Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong to link up with TMB. Goat towed them across but couldn’t find BObbie.
Goat: (angry) WTF, you eat too much, ja?!!!
But BObbie wasn’t answering, Le Train is still a teammie and a follow Domestique, he stayed to see if he could get him back. Just then, Pitt & BOpa, realized what’s happening have also fell back to help their teammate (The Femanimal Edition does not know what happens at this point, but according to an applicunt no. 2 source, Appl. 2 must stick his bottle with ThemBO). With a gap of about 20m and Le Train’s own teammies coming back, BObbie grab the opportunity, dumped his gears and sprinted back to the peloton, leaving 60% of TMB in the open, head wind.
Goat & Katy: (angry) Where have you been?!!!
BObbie: (panting) Quick, quick, we have a gap, 20m in the headwind, 60% of TMB is back there!!!
Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong immediately worked in the peloton to quicken the pace. Panda & Appl. 2 happily drove the peloton on.
BOpa: (shocked) WTF?!!!
Pitt: (realizing) We in shit, cum on, we need to get back!!!
Le Train: (shoving water and coal) choo choo!!!
But with the wind howling and the peloton quickening the pace, this is eerily similar to stage 3 of the 2010 TDF when Lance Armstrong jumped his own team leader with HTC breaking away (grab your copy of “Chasing Legends” if you have no idea of what the editor is chewning here).
But by now, Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong is also beginning to crack. Panda ran away which is causing another split. Appl. 2 being told to stick the ThemBO is sticking the ThemBO with them. But Katy is struggling. Goat looked at BObbie and knowing they have the upper hand now their priority is to protect the ‘super fantastic 100” wide screen at Dion’ (Hence forth referred as SF100WSD. LOOK, Katy, this was described by your plug, any issues please “talk” it up with him). So the two started their rotation of “push ‘n pull”.
Goat: (worried) What about ThemBO.
BObbie: He’s upfront so we can still get him later. We just need to be ahead of the 60% TMB and we get free pizza.
Goat: (excited) Did you say free pizza?!!!
Soon Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong picked up ThemBO and Appl. 2. Feeling really lonely Appl. 2 decided to ride away on his own. And with ThemBO on board, Goat & BObbie took turns pushing Thembo & SF100WSD.
BOtubby: (jealous) How cum I don’t get a push?
Goat: (matter of factly) did you check your weight?
Angered, BOtubby decided to stick a poor fellow who rode like a tjop next to him. But even that was foiled as his bottles are all plastic. BObbie seeing this told the team to ride ahead whilst he stayed ahead of the tjop. Having a 20m gap BObbie again jumped, leaving the tjop on his own, in the headwind (probably the only time BObbie loves the wind).
(60% TMB soon picked up the tjop and BOpa also was annoyed he only had plastic bottles…)
At this point, team Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong wish to send their heartiest gratitude to the Marshal who rode next to them all the way of the race, directing traffic and made sure team Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong was safe from trucks, taxis and angry middle aged drivers who realized they could never becum what they once dreamed and probably will be better off on a bike then driving them off the road.
With SF100WSD & ThemBO near their limits, the average speed is dwindling down fast to 30km/h. Goat is worried and chewned BObbie to “push” harder.
Goat: (panting) you must push some more!!!
BObbie: (annoyed) I don’t have hoofs like ju!!!
Goat: my hoof have left an imprint on SF100WSD’ butt!
ThemBO: (cutting in) BObbie, your hands needs to get off my back to push me on my butt!!!
Goat, BObbie, SF100WSD & BOtubby: (together) never mind…
(What they didn’t know, 60% TMB is chasing hard from behind and are only 12 seconds apart.)
And with the Marshal waving them good luck and riding off, team Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong congratulated each other, hugged, Goat even cried a little, opened a bottle of champagne, waving at Panda & Appl. 2 “waiting” for their so called teammies and lined up for the finish!
Team Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong, winning the TTT and free pizzas!!!
Wasn’t long before Pitt lights up a ciggie and arrived with his 60% TMB. The teammies gathered, sipping coke and exchanging war stories. Oh wait, only team Tiddilybangbangtiddilybong. Team TMB is… counting money to make sure they can satisfy the Goat at Mad Pizzas.
(Team TMB’s edition will be posted as soon as they could agree to one.)
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