Team B.O.

Code name:  BOpit . Team function: Katy's domestique. Ride:   Pinarello FP6, Shitmano. Origin:  SAB . Career: Plumbing e ngineer by day, domestique by night. Famous last words:   "I am not an addict!". Famous hobby:   Likes to lick his armpits. Secret training drink: Black Label. Secret training method: Chain smoking. Secret man love: Brad Pitt.

Code name: Whale. Weight: A few tons. Ride: Scott CR1, Campagnolo Chorus, Campagnolo Eurus. Origin: North sea by Holland, sometimes appearing near Australian coasts. Secret training diet: Salmon. Secret training ground: Aquarium. Secret training methods: Stalking. Secret fantasies: Soft jelly **** & neighbours. Team function: Was upfront to win, now upfront to block wind. Famous last words: "I know where you live!". Famous abilities: Can lick himself.

Code name: BOthemba, BOninja. Team function: Making himself look good to recruit girls for team BO. Results: He's not very good at his job. Ride: What ride? he rides? Cinelli. Origin: Sandton. Favourite hang out: JHB CBD. Man love: Chuck Bartowski. Famous last words:  "Bond, James Bond".

This one is special. As we all know, you cannot have a cycling team without a very key component. And our Craptain, he knows it and ordered this particular recruit. Code name: BOdope or those in the know, BOdaddy. Team function: Rookie, climbing support in training in public. In truth, pharmaceutical supplies to all BO team members. Other team functions: After race services. Ride: Karbona, Shitmano and golf "wholes". Career: Pharmaceutical big shot by day, dealer by night. Man love: Pablo Escobar. Secret training ground: 19th hole. Secret training method: Little blue pills. Favourite pass time: Golf "wholes". Famous last words: "I don't pay for sex".

Code name: BOmie. Team function: Team leader and specialized pusher. Career: He's a pro-stitute. No really, he is. Career achievements: 2009 S.A. Road Champ, subbed a 3 in Argus at the age of 14. Career let downs: Pushed BOlani at Panorama Tour and lost to BObbie & Whale in stage 1. Ride: Whatever he was sponsored with, and podium girls. Origin: The windy city. Unhealthy brand love: Oakley and Shitmano. Secret training methods: He rides 6 hours a day and can piss on his bike. Secret money making scheme: He goes to Northcliff Crit for pocket money. Secret diet: Anything pharmaceutical.

Code Name: BOtherine, or Craptain's version, Katy. Team function: New Feman in training and resident blonde. Ride: Bianchi 928 SL, Campagnolo Record, Campagnolo Zonda. Origin: Paris. Career: It has something to do with pipes and wetting yourselves. Famous deeds: leading the series 2-1 in the Craptain's Mutiny Challenge. Secret training ground: Northcliff hills. Man love: Fabian Cancellara. Famous last words: "I am a girl!!!".

Code name: BOpunda Team function: Part of the infamous "Three Domestiques". Ride: Fuji "I luv you long time", Shitmano 105, Fokrim Racing 3. Origin: Austria or correctly put, part of Germany. Career: Sells Bio-Diesel, or correctly put, shit that don't work. She love: Cindy from Taiwan or correctly put, KTV. Secret training ground: The Bra's Cycling Club. Secret training method: Paleo, or correctly put, shit that don't taste good. Famous last words: "Be a man!". Secret that can not be revealed: He's actually French.

Code name: BObbie. Team function:  Part of the infamous "Three Domestiques". Ride: Bianchi 928 SL, Campagnolo Super Record, Fokrim Racing 1. Origin: Taiwan. Unhealthy love: Donuts. Secret training ground: Dunkin' Donuts. Traits: Extremely injury prone. Famous last words: "How maach?". Favourite girls in the world: Orianthi Chen & Kate Beckinsale. Famous deeds:  Invented the concept " B ad O ne". Man love: Fabian Cancellara, Thor Hoshovd, Denis Menchov.

Code name: BOrabia. Team function: The leader of the infamous "Three Domestiques". Origin: Italy, Swaziland. Ride: Raleigh RC8000c, Shitmano 105, Mavic SL. Secret training ground: In Swazi mountains with goats. Secret training method: What part of goat do you not understand. Saddest moment in life: When Lolly was shot. Famous last words: "Alberto!!!". Man love: Alberto Cuntador. Favourite food: Spanish steak. Unhealthy love: Penelope Cruz.

Code name: BOtall. Team function: G.C. contender and after hour entertainments. Origin: South, deep in the South. Career: Stalker or as they say it, human resources. Ride: LOOK 486, Shitmano Ultegra, Mavic Equipe. Serious issues: She is 8kg over weight. Secret training ground: South, deep in the South. Famous deeds: She cries for no reason at all and was a stagiaire for a pro team. Man love: Andy Schleck & Cadel Evan's voice. Secret desire: A 6.5kg bike.

Code name: BOlani Team function: Vice craptain, team organize everything man, pharmaceuticals included (position has been replaced), super sprinter. Rides: LOOK 595, Trek Madone 6.9, Time VRX, Bianchi T-Cube, Bianchi 928SL, some crap that don't belong on this list, Campagnolo Record, Shitmano Di2, Campagnolo Super Record, Zipp 303, Zipp 404, Campagnolo Zonda, Eurus, Shitmal, Bora 2 and I simply cunt keep up. Origin: Macau, Alberton. Secret training ground: At home. Man love: Mark Cavendish, Ethan Chan. Famous last words: "I need a push!". Famous deed: won Meyerton International Trash Ground 40km. Businesses that hates him: All insurance companies. Businesses that loves him: All bike shops. Career achievement: accredited tester for bike brands.

Code name: BOic or Choic, depending on races. Team function: Tow-er, choker, climber supremo. Origin: Italy, France, Slovakia, Israel. Career: Foreskin salesman. Ride: Scott Addict R2, Campagnolo Record, Zipp 404. Famous deeds: Have never subbed a 3 in 94 and he uses his underwear for cycling tasks. Secret training ground: Kempton Park without insurance. Famous last words: "Cum say that here!". Man love: Ivan Basso & Sacha Cohen. Serious Issues: He is bullied by BOnette and really hate her. His self bloated description: The Machine, The Flying Roman, The Italian Stallion, The Black Sabbath.

Code name: Craptain, BOna. Team Function: He's the captain, whatever he says, no one listens, but he says. Career: Chief AcCUNTant Officer, MTN. Ride: Felt SL 2, Shitmano Dura Ace 7900, Mavic Ksyrium ES Red edition. Important note: BO message at 04h00 in the morning must be SMSed to the Crap. Dirty secrets: He loves Mariah Carey and dances to her tune in his boxers. Secret training ground:  His neighbourhood block. Origin: Somewhere in China, but suspect of Jewish blood. Man love: Chris Yen, Tom Boonen. Famous last words: "beep, beep, beep, beep & beep!". Serious issues: Dislike team blonde Katy. Amazing ability: He can toss a flat like no other.