Team B.O.

Well, it is 2014, and we simply cannot have a 2014 without yep, you guessed it, another freaking arms race report. LOOK, in Pa's defence, he always pick the wrong colour and ends up flaccid. But not this TIME, this TIME, he's coming after the Goat! Pa is launching his own Black Sabbath!!! Yes, it's the 2785th one!!! Yes, EveryBOdy has them!!! ( BOd note: We apologize for the poor quality of the image, I mean, it's black, it's probably made in China, it could have been Specialized, or it's just Special, or Spastic, we not sure, we can't tell...) Gaat: (remarking) Is that a saddle bag?! I mean a saddle bag? Really? A saddle bag? Gaat: (commenting) Huh? you say it has a S on the head tube? I see nuthing... Gaat: (whatever) You mean you need "special" bottle cages? Why? They doped up? Gaat: (nail flicking) You say the saddle is "special" huh? Why? They black? Gaat: (advising) LOOK Papa, I not know what sabbath...

I, am, the Craptain. Since my glorious return in the 2013 Cycle Challenge of which I sacrificed my sleep, my alcohol, my smokes and my sex life, I have once again, kept my throne as the Craptain. I want you all to remember it and remember it well. It's now TIME to update my fellow subjects. First, it's now year 2014. If you don't know this already, well, you don't have the intellectual level to read anyway. So, learn to read first. Second, if you expect anything meaningful from us, like how we won races, secured another sponsor, kissed by podium girls, new doping techniques, amazing training methods and diets that will loose you 8kgs... Now that's clear, many things has already happened. I am sorry, you'd think being the crap that I am, I could control my fellow subjects. Alas... I can't control that fat pig BOb's appetite for one. Since that old horse fart Pa pulled his hammies (he claims he was playing soccer with his kids, but real...

My baby girl, Today is your birthday and it is supposed to be a day filled with joy and love. Except today, a great, great man passed. I hope when you grow up one day, that you read and learn about the man who shared the end of his journey with the celebration of your life. For he is truly a man of honour, courage and a human spirit that we all so desperately lacks. A nation stands today, able to look forward, because of his efforts and sacrifice. Your birthday will forever be shadowed by Madiba’s passing but it will still be about joy, it will still be about love. For today, if Madiba ever left us anything, it’s the celebration of a new life, about joy and about love and about moving on to greater heights. Rest in peace, Madiba.  You are already missed.

Yes, yes, it's another one. Except this TIME it's a White lightning. Yeah, A White Lightning and not a Black Sabbath!!! But hey, this is the White Lightning that carried the Crap to a 2h48 at 2013's 94.7 Cycle Challenge with really pathetic training, lots of chain smoking and a diet of beer, whiskey and assorted cocktails... This is why he's the Crap... Crap's Time RXR Ulteam with Shitmano Dura Ace and Mavic Ksyrium ES. Crap: (in his own words...) TIME FELT good... You won't see the Crap's White Lightning for a long TIME, but you certain will FELT Crap's presence in some bars all over JHB...

LOOK, even as an editor who constantly LOOKing for materials to update this BOg that noBOdy reads anyway, I am getting pretty sick and tired of dem Race Reports. It seems all we do is buy more bikes. Why aren't we getting massive discounts and commissions and priorities at the bike shops?!!! We should be treated as royalties!!! Do peepul know how much bikes were involved on this BOg alone?!!! Count them!!! A Lani along has enough for the entire team!!! Why don't we have our VIP cards yet?!!! Dinki: (truly annoyed) Yeah, why is Lani so short!!! OK, now that rants is over... Yeah, noBOdy cares, it's just another black sabbath... Goat: (Italian) Another Black Sabbath?!!! WTF is wrong with ju peepul?!!! There is only One Black Sabbath!!! Goat: (Italian) Bah, Yours is not a Black Sabbath... Goat: (Italian) Bah, ju see the worry in my eyes?!!! Goat: (Italian) Bah, my Black Sabbath eats your Black Sabbath... Goat: (Italian) Tubs, we still...

It seemed lately, the arms race is either another Black Sabbath or a White Lightning. The Lani decided that if he's gonna do this, he's gonna do his maths right. Meet the Black Sabbath White Lightning. Or BSWL. Lani: (LOOKing at you Goat) Beat this! Goat: (I don't know what else to say...) ... Dinki: (WTF) Oh come on!!! Grow taller already!!! Next Lani Victim: (for 'eff sakes) When will this end?!!! What's the difference between this and his previous bike you say? Well, forget about the mumbo jumbo the marketing peepul of Bianchi feeds you, not only does the BB feels more responsive, the power transfer feels whole, feels the frame responds to your peddling as a whole and not just the BB. The new BSWL... Aero profile form the front... LOOK at it from another angle... Even if you come from behind, it's another angle... The new BB386 bottom bracket. The lip service fork of the previous generation is now worked o...