Team B.O.

So... A long, long TIME ago, in a place so far, far South, lived a little girl. She grew up in a village where parents chain their children's up in fear they might bite the mail man and they drink tea, hard, no milk. Little girls here grow up dangling a cigarette on their lips and a wrench in their hand. To date them, if you don't have the piece, you will get a piece. There are no such things as Vampire Diary or Twilights, them vampires and woofies walk gingerly around this village and never look back. This is where New Zealand Black Ferns come to offer free citizenships and criminals becomes victims themselves. Yes, you know the rest of the story. The little girl from this village wondered around the wild and eventually landed in a big city, bumped into a crowd of chubby wannabes, robbed one of them of his bike and rode herself to a contract with a pro team. Found love and became a lady and now to complete the Cinderella story, decided to dump the men's bike and r...

Chris Froome's phenomenal performance at the Giant of Province has not raised praise but more doubts. Unfortunately doping is part of the sport we love, good or bad, it's something we all have to endure. Except this TIME, dem dumb doubters got it all wrong. Two major reasons why Chris Froome was dominant in his performance. 1. Whilst training in South Africa, he shook BObbie and Lolly's hands. 2. He smartly chose a B.O. bike over the standard team issue. The BOlide are a co-developemnt between team B.O.'s liders and Pinorello through years of extensive "riding", excruciate tasting and advanced materials that Lani can buy. Riding position is carefully calculated by the latest maths and every angle is considered. Notice how Chris (BOd note: Yes, Chris is on first name basis with BObbie, BObbie was given Chris' old Barloworld saddle, although Chris don't know it yet... YET!!!) stayed in his saddles when he attacked the now vegetarian Cuntador. ...

(BOd note: those who writes for a living will understand the pressure of a deadline, your brains blanks out, your fingers types  meaningless sentences and your grammar is basically gibberish. A nd the irritating editor constantly on the phone demanding your piece. Let's just say this editor went out of his way to get you, the 2785 faithful, loyal and rabid fans this piece from the Donkey. It was, let's just say, not pleasant...) We woke on Day Three a little later than the previous days as the distance and profile was little less demanding and all teams should have no problem finishing in time. Even The Massive were expected to come in by lunchtime… And after a slightly slower day 2 we had now dropped back to group B in 66th position over all. The Massive had also dropped back after Day Two slightly to, if I can quote Le Tour, le gruppetto. This still to be confirmed, but watching the highlights on the TV the other day I believe Heavy D was filmed in the queue weari...

Day two was an early start, for some... The batches would start 10 min apart again. With fourteen start groups, thats two hour and twenty  minutes of starts and this is a 100km course with 1700m of climbing to come. The Yellowood Park Massive, er... The Back Markers would have a long hot day if The West Side 26'ers, er... I mean the race, didn't start earlier. Sunrise was officially at 06h30, so naturally the start is 06h00... Wait what?!! Thirty minutes before the sun is up?!! It was :( We wake up at 04h30 in the cold and dark. Heavy D was off almost immediately to queue for a first go at "his morning ritual". This happened at least twice before we starts, EVERY DAY!!! (BOd and BObbie LOOKed at each other and screamed "Heavy Tenting!!!") We had arranged for our boxes to be returned to the trucks by the Massive and in return we would collect theirs when we got to the finish. This made for a much more pleasant morning. Breakfast was next and the...

( BOd note: We tried to restrain him, but somehow BObbie managed a "Tenting!!!")... An early start with anxious riders stirring at 04h00 in the morning. All eager to get to the start of day 1. The four man Bunk Bed Gang joined the rustle around 05h00 with Heavy D up first. I followed and a bit later Gary eventually drags him self out of Jas' bed. The 26'ers group are seeded to start at 07h40 but the Massives (BOd note: we presume you meants Heavy D and who ever is massive?) are further back, just ahead of the sweep vehicle around 10h00.  This means that the Massives will load the car first with ample time on hand.  Breakfast is served, each man for himself style (thank lord the Waala and BObbie ain't around). Bananas, oats, Pronutro, cream soda flavoured protein shake (that did not come out right, but it's there, on the table...) and eggs, the eggs!!! Whilst packing the trailer we soon realised with the new boxes, we no longer had enough space in the ...

( BOd note: Dinki hates being edited, he reckons the BOd takes out his prime piece and beat it with a meat hammer and it looses its originality, so since this is his diary, his piece, BOd will gladly edit the crap out of it...) 04h50 Monday morning,  something woke me up. I LOOK at the phone and realised I have an hour left before I need to wake up. Heavy D is only coming at 06h00, if he comes at all. ( BOd note: Raaight, so you wake us up at 04h50 for what? for what? And who the heck is Heavy D?) Then my vision clears and I realised its the complex security calling. Surely not!!! Heavy D loaded with more than a weeks worth of clothing, cycling kits and race food in a bag on his back arrives over an hour early in the dark on a motor bike!  ( BOd note: Smack him!!!) So I am up and making coffee, packing bags and loading bikes on the trailer. We leave from here to fetch G. from Jas' place, collective knows as the "Yellowood Park Massive" or The Gang with the...

Or in BObbie's case, he eat them... It's winter, everyBOdy's hibernating, Lani decided he needs a holiday after the torturous stage race he just did. But those BObabies are Duracell bunnies on solar charge, Lani needs a plan. Lani: (conning) Gaatie, How's about a weekend at Knysna Oyster Festival huh? we can enjoy the sea, the forest, oysters, maybe some riding? Gaatie: (easily conned) IN, IN, where do I sign up? Lani: (conning continues) Just help me with dem BObabies... Gaatie: (put the phone down on Lani...) I have a sale... It didn't work with the Waala either, so the only idiot who is easy prey is the BObbie. Lani: (conning again) BObs, come to Knysna with me, I feed you. BObbie: (too easy) IN... First thing first, BObaby 2 must be leashed and prevented from dismantling check in counters. X-Ray machines are for luggages and you can't go back and forth through the "beep, beep" gate, that's right BObbie, you are teaching B...