Team B.O.

At 03h41 the morning after the 94, Lani received a call from Tubs. Tubs: (begging) Lani, please man, show me how to be better... Tubs: (declaring) THE REAL BLACK SABBATH!!! Goat: (fainted...)

Lani have never liked the Momentum Cycle Challenge that is commonly known amongst cyclist as the 94. A festive person, Lani wants vibes, festivity, boerewors rolls and coke. It is why he loves Argus and thinks 94 is just a pretentious race. And 94 is getting harder. The route now almost never have long sections of flats. You are either going up or going down, fast. It's fine when you not racing, but it's damn hard when your average speed is in excess of 35km/h. And whilst it is the second largest cycling event in South Africa that annually draws around 25000 cyclist onto the full road closure course, Team B.O. have never really felt welcomed on the road. The support groups are small and insincere. BObbie remembers passing Dunkeld where the real lani's are sipping coffee and watching as if the cyclists are ruining their usual dull Sundays. So the mood toightens when the teammies gathered for one last diabolical training session.  'Tall woke up so early she couldn...

"I cum, I lide, I collect." These are the words stated by our fearless leader, the alcoholic, the chain smoker, the B.O. master with a thousand excuses and one more. He fake retired and handed his rein to a bunch of no good seniles to make merry with Jack & his pet camel. Allows his subjects to bet on his demise and promptly shows up at the BEEG race that matters and collected his winnings and established once again his dominance. We bow in his crappiness. Zies is why he's our Craptain.

(Ed. note: This is for more serious readers... seriasely...) What a ride!  The Train was up spanking at 2:39am thinking he was running late, quickly fell asleep and was up spanking again at 4:00am. After packing up the car, he raced for Woodmead munching his jungle oats [train fuel], whilst driving at 170 km/h and spanking. After arriving at Woodmead, quickly got ready and rushed off to the start line to meet up with the Bobbie and Lani.  We were cunted down, the shot sounded and we were off spanking. The Train quickly picked up the Lani and set the pace as a domestique should. The Trains pistons were feeling spanky, but had to put up a straight face [Mafias do not give up easy, they spank to the death].  Group E was spanking up the pace, I could see pieces of charcoal blowing out of the chimney, this meant the Train was in trouble, but still put up a straight face and concentrated on the job at hand [spanking the Lani]. While spanking one of the empty coal wagons...

We interrupt the 94 Specialized Reports to bring you another specialized report from the specialized reporter the Lani. Team B.O. is missing one of their members. A reward of R 2.00 is available and will be paid in cash if you know where this thing is. If you have any relevant information please contact Pluggie at 0800-I-lost-my-virginity (Ed. note: dad, he meant dad) . Team B.O. is looking for their roBOcop. It was not seen at 94.

(Ed. note: Applicunt 4 in his effort to gain enough B.O. points was tasked with a 94 special report. The "feed back" from his seniles and our 2785 rabid fans will form a huge factor in his application consideration.) Congratulations to everyone on their times today!  (Panel of Judges: Sucking up to seniles is always a plus, but we feel this was not enough...) YES!! We had major fun today! Was a loooong day (Panel of Judges: "looong"? Only little girls write like that...) but being my first race the time didn't really matter and it was for a good cause. We got interviewed twice, once by the M.C. at the start and then by Gerald de Kock from SuperSport (Very good advertisement for Centrum. When do we get paid?!!!) (Panel of Judges: Impressive, yes, we are impressed) . After fixing another puncture (Ed. Note: The curse of the fat BObbie...) at the start that delayed us by another 30min, we were finally off! Riders and the crowd LOVED the Soundmachine!! The Wh...

Everyone, This year, the Whale, 'Tall & Applicunt 4 will be riding the Momentum Cycle Challenge for a good cause. They are riding for "The Sound Machine"!!! The Sound Machine are raising funds for Epilepsy South Africa and your support will be appreciated by the Goat and the Whale who are suffering from this disease. But before you go "ag shame" the Whale with a crash completed the Cycle Challenge at 2h36. The Goat is riding VB this year and anything less than a 2h30 would be considered a failure by the team. Epilepsy is not the end of your life. It can be controlled and you CAN have your life back. Let's help them! P.S. Goat's slurping is not caused by his epilepsy... http://www.soundmachine.co.za/

(Ed. note: This is a back dated post). Before we get to the Race Report that was long delayed, BObbie and the Goat would like to point out that the new Jacaranda Satellite is a pussy race. Back in the good O'days when climbing Hekkies at the end of the race meant sumthing (like challenging the elite girls and get bitch slapped in the next 5m...). Subbing a 3 in the then Telkom Satellite meant sumthing. Now, BObbie's tummy could have rolled up Hekkies. Ha-Puey! OK, back to the report. It was Jacaranda Satellite day. Team B.O. showed up, raced, and went home. ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... (Entire 2785 fan base blankly staring at their computer screen, jaws touching the keyboard and mind in shock...) No, seriously folks, that's it. There is nothing more... (One of the 2785 rabid and about to explode fan recovered from her shock and asked, in as politely a tone as she can muster: I waited for more than a month for this?!!!) What do you expect? BOditor al...